Tag: mental health

Unpacking – Every Item Tells A Tale

I’ve moved a lot in my short lifespan. As of time of writing, I’m 22 years old. Between moving with my family, university and venturing out on my own, I’ve lived in over fifteen different houses. Sticking my belongings in various moving boxes and suitcases has become almost second nature to me. I have a lot of memories of clambering in and out of moving trucks, of being squished in the car by suitcases and bags, of eating pizza in empty rooms, of sleeping on inflatable mattresses when my bed was still in transport. Needless to say, I don’t have a major connection to specific places. It’s an entirely different process, my friends have told me, for those who have lived in one or two places for their entire lives.

Unpacking has you following through the life of one individual, as they move through various stages of their life and the new living conditions that come with it. You get glimpses at their journey, from the cabin bed in their childhood room, to the formation and downfall of a relationship, to discovering their identity and starting a family. All the stages culminate in a photo to go into the album, so they can look back at how far they’ve come. There’s so much detail and love in this game that if you’ve already played it, it’s definitely worth a replay.

Too many boxes, too little time.

If you follow my Twitter, you’d know that I recently moved into my new flat. It’s my first time living entirely alone (excluding the sheer chaos of the midnight beasts that my two cats embody) in my life and Unpacking brilliantly “unpacks” (Hehe, I’m hilarious) the feelings of anxiety, excitement, and fear that I’m sure we have all/will all experience in our lifetimes. It’s a soothing game, one that many streamers have played as a kind of “chill” stream to engage with their community. The atmosphere, the music, the goofy stickers awarded for doing odd little things like hiding the cookies on the top shelf or rearranging the fridge magnets, the detail on every object in the rooms – it all culminates in a calming experience that the real world seems to lack nowadays.

One of the reasons why Unpacking works so well is, in my opinion, the possessions that the protagonist takes from place to place. We as humans make emotional attachments to more than just other people. Associating locations and objects with specific memories are common practice and that sense of nostalgia only encourages us to hold onto the object in question, to keep that piece of your own personal history with you as you walk into the future. I’ve spent so much time looking forward, having to work and plan for the years to come that I don’t get a lot of time to look back at the steps I’ve taken. However, when I look at some of the trinkets I own, the memories come rushing back, clearer than ever.

The chicken army advances

Let me give you an example from my own experience. A few years ago, I lost my maternal grandfather. We called him Papa (a Scottish term). He passed a few years after my maternal grandmother, and I freely admit that I miss them dearly. Whenever we travelled to see our family in Edinburgh, we’d go to Granny and Papa’s little flat on the council estate and have a quiet lunch there. We’d spend the afternoon solving the same few puzzles they had for the thousandth time and head for walks along the canal. After they had both passed, we had the hard task of going through their flat and sorting out their belongings – choosing what we wished to keep and what would be donated to charity. I took a few things, one of which being a photo album – so I don’t forget what they looked like when they smiled at me.

I had a bed just like this

There were a few other bits, like a bird ornament and one of the puzzles that I’d spent all those years re-doing. However, the item that I treasure the most is a little magic trick that he taught me how to master. Sure, the little metal disks that you can see in the image below don’t look like much and they’re slowly wearing away with time but when I look at it, I see a seven-year-old Caitlin sat on the carpet on a December evening, watching with fascination as my Papa seemingly makes one of the rings disappear entirely. I see him in the birds in the trees, in the neatly trimmed lawns of well-kept gardens. With these things, he is still with us. People live on through those who remember them. Nobody is truly gone, there is always someone who will pause to remember them, or something that will spark those dusty memories. Playing Unpacking, you look at each of the items and wonder what the story is behind them. Why did the protagonist keep that mug? Why do they keep adding chicks to their army of stuffed chickens?

Our possessions tell a story. Even for something as seemingly innocent as an ornament or a mug, can have dozens of stories attached to them. It is something I think Unpacking hints at, as you start to recognise objects from previous sections of the game, and you ponder at the additions of new ones.

I have a major soft spot for Unpacking, and it is clear a lot of others do. So, give it a go. It is a short experience, but it will bring you a sense of calm that you would be surprised how many of us are missing.

Till next time,

CaitlinRC.

Moonglow Bay – Fishing for EMOTION

During the occasional lulls in my chaotic life, where work and personal projects are running smoothly (what an insane concept, I know), I like to scroll through the games lists on Xbox Game Pass or the Nintendo Shop on my Switch to find something new to play. A lot of the random indie gems that I’ve played and/or talked about on this site have come from those scrolling sessions, rather than keeping track of review listings or release schedules. I mean, my life is frantic enough without adding something else to keep track of!

One such game that I found was Moonglow Bay. Like many others, the fishing element of many popular games like Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley and even Final Fantasy XV has a rather addictive quality to it. Relaxing, satisfying and technically contributing to in-game progress, players have lost hours of their time plundering the ocean’s depths for its treasures (and various bits of trash). So, an entire game based around fishing, exploring, and cooking seafood for your hungry customers seemed like a fabulous idea.

I’m fishing for my sanity – no luck thus far.

Yet, Moonglow Bay is so much more than just a fishing game. It’s a tale of loss, grief, and hope, of community and restoration, of building relationships and keeping promises, of making new memories and treasuring old ones.

Immediately off the bat, the game asks you to choose who you wish to play as, what you wish to be called, your pronouns as well as the identity of your partner. The fact I could choose they/them as my pronouns and the fact I was not restricted in choosing the opposite gender partner to that of my player character, brought a massive smile to my face. Representation is important and the developers of Moonglow Bay, Bunnyhug, have clearly thought about it – with the pronouns you choose being used throughout the game, rather than as a one-off thing.

TFW I’m better at cooking in a fictional game than IRL

Personally, I want everyone to play this game – available on PC and Xbox, but I know not everyone has the time nor access to their system of choice, so I’m going to talk a bit more in-depth here about the game. There may be spoilers ahead, so if you want to remain wholly blind going into this game then uh… close this tab immediately?

Anyone still here? Let’s chat.

Based in the seaside town of Moonglow Bay on the Eastern Canadian shoreline in the 1980’s, your character (whether you’ve called them an actual name like I did or called them Sir Bootylicious) and their partner (Robin, in my game!) are learning to fish. Your partner talks about their dream of settling down in the bay and setting up a business selling various meals made from the wide variety of local fish in the area. They give you a present to celebrate the pair of you starting this new milestone and you promise to open it when they get back from their fishing trip tomorrow night.

Sadly, they never come home.

The developers are hilarious. Also, this guy will forever be called Dave.

Three years pass and you’re living alone, comforted by your ramen and your precious pup Waffles (and yes, you can always pet the dog). Your daughter, River, drags you out the house to go fishing and to show you how run-down Moonglow Bay has become. Trash on the beach, brickwork crumbling, homes and businesses boarded up – the town is fading away. As the town fades, so does your lost partner’s dream. So, what will you do about it? Roll up your sleeves, get fishing and restore the bay to its former glory through the power of your bloody brilliant cooking skills.

As you explore the bay, catching all kinds of sea creatures and cooking them up into delectable dishes, you begin to rejuvenate the town and unravel some of the truths behind the various superstitions that seem to haunt the bay. Tales of monsters in the deep, creatures that destroy ships and terrorise sailors, rumours that have only grown stronger as the fishing industry dwindled during your grief. As you move forward with fulfilling your lost partner’s dream and pour your heart and soul into the town you both loved, you find mysteries and secrets that intrigue you, monstrous creatures that send other anglers running in fear and a trail of breadcrumbs that might give you a way to soothe the raging void in your heart where your partner once resided.

Thankfully, our ship is not called the Titanic.

Each chapter of this story finds you facing off against massive creatures of the deep and you need to quell their rage before anyone gets hurt. Yet, these monsters aren’t out for revenge. They’re just creatures in need of help, much like the player is. Much like the town of Moonglow Bay. Maybe, just maybe, helping these wounded creatures will help you start to heal the gaping wound in your heart.

Anyways, please try this game. It has a heartfelt storyline, a beautiful world, fun mechanics, and soothing music. Do it.

CaitlinRC.

Celeste – Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

I’m always wary of games that try to personify mental illness or negative thoughts. The idea of putting a face or a name to this… other part of me, this darker part of me, instinctively makes me recoil. Not in disgust or hatred, but in deep-rooted fear. Society as a whole has been gradually improving when it comes to tolerance and acceptance of mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety, but we are still so far from truly understanding what it is like for each individual that suffers from them. Heck, I barely understand my own conditions and it’s been over a decade. Plus, considering some of the more toxic representations of mental health that use it as an excuse for cruel actions, I tend to walk into games that claim to be better with a bit of a chip on my shoulder.

When I was in primary school, I learnt a life lesson that I still carry with me to this day. Though in hindsight, it’s not always the best idea. When a feeling is uncomfortable or debilitating, such as nausea when you are unwell, to focus on it is to give it more control over you. I’ve carried this idea over to my daily battles with my mental health conditions, not allowing an anxiety attack or depression dip to consume me and ruin whatever I had going on at the time. However, there is a fine line to walk between not overly focusing on something and refusing to acknowledge it at all. Coping mechanisms and suppression do not go hand in hand as anyone who’s hit their breaking point will be well aware of. Exploring that balance is something that the game Celeste does well.

I’m never going on a ski lift. NEVER.

If you listened to my panel for EGX Digital back in 2020, you’d know that the game Celeste was thoroughly recommended by the panel members. Despite this, I only actually got around to playing the game for myself a few months ago after an extremely long day at work. Putting aside the several moments of overwhelming rage that I experienced whilst playing through the game (LOOKING AT YOU B SIDE), Celeste is a platformer with a tale to tell, driven around a central goal of reaching the summit of Celeste Mountain.

An average Tuesday.

You play as Madeline, a young woman from Canada who suffers from anxiety and depression. For unknown reasons, she has travelled to Celeste Mountain with the goal of reaching the summit to prove to herself that she can. Given how insanely dangerous the mountain can be to those not prepared for it, her family and those she encounters on her way are understandably concerned about her wellbeing. Considering the very first bridge collapses and she’s only saved by a dash ability taught to her by a random bird perched nearby, the stakes are pretty high. Shortly after meeting Theo (a lovely guy who is an influencer and takes terrible selfies of Madeline), you come across a mysterious mirror in the ruins that summons a “evil” clone of Madeline, called Part Of Me (or Badeline to the community).

To Madeline, this clone seems to be the embodiment of everything wrong with her – her selfishness, her anger, her self-loathing. If I’m honest, that’s how I viewed my “dark side” to begin with. When you have such a dark cloud hanging over your every action, you’re desperate to separate it from you, to treat it as an entity that has no ties to you. Madeline initially believes that she would be better off without her and seeks for a way to destroy Part Of You entirely. It’s a sentiment that I think anyone with a condition like anxiety or depression has pondered in their lifetime. Yet, like Madeline, we have to realise that this darkness, this negativity, is as much a part of us as the fingers on our hands are.

Please ma’am, get back inside the text box.

More than anything, Celeste is a powerful metaphor for self-discovery. Regardless of whether you’re coming to terms with a loss, facing up to your inner demons or gaining the courage to come out to those you love, Celeste emphasizes the imperfect nature of humanity. We stumble, we make mistakes, we are stubborn and desperate for a future that is always slightly out of reach. Yet, we get back up. Sure, Madeline falls down the mountain, further than she had ever fallen before but she gets back up. Even in the darkest of pits, there is always a distant light to climb towards. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Considering how many times I died in Celeste (cough, 3298), this determination can take us far. That’s the thing about mountains, when you’re stood at the bottom, they seem so insurmountable, too large a challenge for you to even hope to complete. Yet with each checkpoint and each rung of the ladder than you step onto, you get that bit closer.

As much as I detest my brain with it’s lack of serotonin and tendency to catastrophize literally everything (for example, the other day when I left the house to go to work, my brain went “did you leave the gas on, are your cats in danger because of it”. I have no gas line connected to my flat. WHAT EVEN BRAIN.), I have to admit that it has made me a better person. I work harder, study more and empathize better with those around me, desperate to put some of that light into the world that I struggle to find on my darkest days. I wouldn’t be CaitlinRC, creator of MindGames / Dice and Suffering, community member and proud non-binary asexual without the conditions and life events that have brought me to this point. Sure, there was a lot I would do differently if I’d had the benefit of hindsight but at this point in time, I’m ok. Sometimes, ok is the best you can hope for.

Sometimes a mountain doesn’t have a summit. Sometimes, you’ll be climbing for the rest of your life. I know that I will be living with my depression and anxiety for the rest of my life. Sure, therapy and medication have helped make the day-to-day existence more bearable and the PTS dreams have lessened over time, but there’s no “cure” for this. We need to accept that’s ok, that it’s fine to not have a cure, a quick fix for everything. Sure, I fell down the mountain a good way over the last few months. However, as long as I shake myself off, brush myself down and keep climbing, then eventually I’ll reach a point that I’m content with. After all, those who climb Everest don’t all strive to reach the summit. Some are happy with reaching the base camp.

Everything looks better from the top.

Anyways, that’s all I have for you this week. It’s been a while since I’ve written one of these so I’m pacing myself to avoid smashing face first into the writer’s block brick wall that I’ve been smushed against for all these months. Be sure to check out the podcast series, launched as Dice and Suffering – where my D&D campaign and the brand new Blades In The Dark series is being published.

You’re doing your best, that’s all that matters.

CaitlinRC

Into The Waste #13 – A World Ablaze

After a … chaotic time, featuring a prison break, some startling revelations and a few casualties, the party are reunited and head to Warding Light – the hometown of shambles. What awaits them? Listen to find out:

Featuring:

Alex as Dakota the (normally) Tiefling Warlock

Kerry as Sanphire the Human Cleric with his wonderful wife Anika

Chad as Veras the Great/Charlamagne Salazar/Kermit/Literally Everyone, the Changeling Sorcerer

Matt as Shambles the Dragonborn Sorcerer

Caitlin as the all powerful GM, praise be.

Social Medias:

Follow Matt:
@TheMattAttackUK

Follow Alex:
@SpiderBreadUk

Follow Kerry:
@Shirobeans

Follow Caitlin:
@CaitlinRC

Follow Chad:
@Chads_Mind

=============================

Follow the show:
@DungeonJunkiez

Follow Matt and Alex’s show:
@GameJunkiezPod

Follow My Content:
@OurMindGames

Follow Chad’s show:
@Viewfromtoprope

Follow the network:
@VisGlobalMedia

Music Credits:

Checkpoint by Hayden Folker | @hayden-folker
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The Vikings by Alexander Nakarada | www.serpentsoundstudios.com
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What We Don’t Say by Scott Buckley | https://soundcloud.com/scottbuckley
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Medieval Loop One by Alexander Nakarada | https://www.serpentsoundstudios.com
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One Bard Band by Alexander Nakarada | https://www.serpentsoundstudios.com
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Tavern Loop One by Alexander Nakarada | https://www.serpentsoundstudios.com
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Chasing Daylight by Scott Buckley | https://soundcloud.com/scottbuckley
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Planning by Alexander Nakarada | https://www.serpentsoundstudios.com
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Ghostly Melody by Darren-Curtis | https://soundcloud.com/desperate-measurez
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Elysium by Alexander Nakarada | https://www.serpentsoundstudios.com
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Remnants by Myuu | https://soundcloud.com/myuu
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A Juggler’s Tale – I Got No Strings…

As a kid, my only real exposure to puppets was through the joyful “sooty show.” That is one of the most niche references I have ever made on this site, but it was a puppet show targeted at young children, starring a yellow hand-puppet bear called sooty and his friends. They had a TV show and everything. Small Caitlin loved it. Marionette’s (stringed puppets) always felt a bit… uncanny valley to me but the engineering part of my brain was fascinated by them. The ability to manipulate and study individual sections of the puppet as it moved, to see the ripple effect it would have on the rest of the joints – it was remarkably educational.

Despite the interest in puppets and marionettes that has followed me since early childhood, I absolutely detest mascot costumes. Seriously, they could be hiding anything in there. Part of my anxiety against these people who are just doing their jobs is the fact that they are hidden from sight deliberately. I am a naturally paranoid person due to my anxieties, so when I cannot see someone’s eyes or face to read social cues from, I am immediately uneasy. This distaste for mascots was very visible to the Game Junkiez gang at EGX when I fled from a Fall Guy mascot who I was fairly sure was targeting me directly (nearly mugged by a bean, that would be a new experience).

This weird love of puppets, fascination with marionettes and hatred of mascots, has more often than not warded me away from games that include any of the above. You often do not find one of the trios without the others following close behind (ready to steal your soul, I SEE YOU MASCOT BOY). However, whilst at EGX in October, I followed my friend Kerry over to try a game called “A Juggler’s Tale” that they had been extremely excited to try out. We got to play the opening level, which followed the player meeting the protagonist Abby, a young juggler in a circus, forced to perform during the day and locked away at night. You learn to maneuver through the world, learning how to avoid getting your strings tangled up in obstacles. Needless to say, I was intrigued.

That’s the way to do it!

Once Abby escapes the circus, she goes on the run through the wilderness, trying to avoid the hunters that the ringmaster has sent to track her down. These bandits, led by the fearsome Tonda, are a constant threat to Abby – forcing the player to think ahead, move stealthily and be bold in order to escape their clutches. Like Abby, they are connected to the world via strings and are under the control of Jack – the puppet master, storyteller, and creator of the world that we are exploring. He narrates the events in rhyming couplets, providing the player with key information of upcoming hazards and clues to puzzles. At least to begin with.

Based in southern Germany, kaleidoscube, the developers of the game, were unable to be there in person at EGX but we got to speak to them via Discord to ask about what inspired to make such a unique game. One of the publishing team explained to us that dark fairytales (such as Brothers Grimm) and puppet shows are incredibly common in Germany, being a staple of German children’s childhood experiences since as early as the 1950’s. An example of this is the “Augsburger Puppenkiste,” a famous marionette theatre in Augsburg that has been putting on performances for decades. Given these cherished childhood memories shared by the development team, it is no surprise that the amount of love and care put into A Juggler’s Tale is visible in every frame.

I love this bear.

This is a beautiful game. Honestly, any frame of this game could be put up as a painting in a gallery and I would not bat an eye. Every environment is alive with detail and beauty, be that the gentle swaying of the crop fields as you run through them at sunset or the view of the town from the rooftops as you dance across them. The environment is a clever mixture of painted set pieces (I mean that most literally) and fairytale backdrops, maintaining a careful balance between a puppet show’s artificial stage and a storybook. Nothing is wasted, everything has a purpose. Something creeps in the background? You will meet it later on. Is that a hunter is scanning the forest with his lamp? Tonda and his bandits must be getting close.

Gorgeous. Too gorgeous in fact… makes me suspicious.

As Jack tells his story to the eager tavern of listeners, their reactions to events as they unfold function as ambient sound. They cheer when Abby escapes, grow quiet in moments of tension and shout warnings when danger looms – helping maintain the live puppet show atmosphere that the game has been building from the beginning. Jack’s rhythmic weaving of his tale pairs nicely with the music as you hop across streams and clamber over walls. Ignoring the tense moments where you sprint away from hunters, swearing profusely and praying to uncaring deities for assistance, it is a remarkably relaxing experience.

Available on Xbox, PlayStation, Nintendo switch and PC, A Juggler’s Tale is a story of freedom. It is about overcoming obstacles – both those thrown at you from others, and those that have been set upon you by the world. I highly recommend that you play it yourself, it is a short experience that you can knock out in an evening. I am going to go into detail about some story points that I connected with, so if you want to be completely spoiler free, run away! Bookmark the article and come back once you have played the game through. Still here? Good. Let us chat.

Look at the strings in the distance. That’s Tonda’s gang. That’s attention to detail.

Putting aside the chase sequences, puzzles and platforming that make up the core gameplay of A Juggler’s Tale, this game is about freedom of choice. In the first few chapters, Abby’s flight from the ringmaster is a series of scripted events, carefully crafted by Jack to tell his story. Your strings are an ever-present reminder of your powerlessness against the grand tapestry of fate that Jack has weaved for Abby. Her capture and return to the circus appear inevitable, with Jack able to pick Abby up by her strings and maneuver her if he chooses to. Yet, there are brief moments of rebellion that indicate a deviation from her fate.

What a good dog.

Shortly before you encounter the hunters, you come across an old wolf – whose strings are attached to some sort of post. Jack demands that you abandon the creature to its fate and keep moving but you can choose not to. One way of solving the puzzle of the cart blocking your path is to attach the cart to the strings and allow gravity to pull the cart out of your way – snapping the strings tethering the wolf to the world at the same time. It is a moment where Jack loses his patience with you, pulling you into the air and demanding that you obey him, or he will retract his help. It seems odd at first why would the storyteller need to bargain with those he controls? Unless… he does not have complete authority over them? If you can snap someone else’s strings, why not your own?

This train of thought comes to fruition at the end of the third act, when all hope seems lost. Abby’s locked in a cage, waiting to be taken back to the ringmaster. Jack laments her last moments of freedom, only to be stopped by Abby breaking free of her imprisonment, setting the barn she was being kept in ablaze. When her strings get caught on the doorway, it seems that it was all in vain – poor Abby is trapped as the blaze creeps towards her. Jack holds her strings in place as the flames lick at her feet, proclaiming the so called “story’s end,” only to watch in rage and horror as Abby refuses to go quietly.

One by one, she snaps the strings that tether her to the world, ripping the control of her fate from Jack’s hands and taking it into her own hands for the first time. The moment he loses control over “his” puppet, Jack becomes the antagonist, with the rest of the story focusing on Abby thwarting Jack’s desperate attempts to regain control of her autonomy. Then again, to a protagonist of a story, the storyteller is the true enemy. After all, they are the one who holds your fate in their hands. When you regain control of Abby, the lyrical nature and pre-planned lines of Jack have vanished along with her strings. Everything is new and unpredictable. Sure, the world may be of his creation but now Jack has no influence over what path Abby takes through it.

Often, we have to take fate into our own hands.

Abby’s lack of strings quickly becomes her strongest asset (that and her remarkably good throwing arm), allowing her to duck under obstacles and slip away from her pursuers with ease. They are still tied down by their strings and restricted by her old limitations, limitations with which she is intimately familiar. Eventually, Tonda is defeated by removing all of his strings, severing the control that Jack has over the world entirely, allowing Abby to free the residents of the world she calls home from their bindings and reunite with a dear friend.

There are so many lenses that you can look at this story through. I do not know whether the developers intended it but the idea of casting off the strings that tie you down is a refreshing one. To me, it feels like the story of someone choosing their own path in life, rather than the one that had been set out before them. To others, it could be a tale of acceptance, accepting who you are and carving out a new identity with your newfound confidence. To you, it could be the tale of someone escaping a toxic relationship or friendship, removing the ties that kept you together and working through the negativity they left you with. Art is subjective.

Letting go is hard. But not impossible.

This got remarkably profound, didn’t it? Guess that is what happens when I write an article by lamp light. November will be a tad chaotic for me, as I am finalizing the purchase of my new flat and moving in, as well as my job and cats. so, not much different from our normal upload schedule to be honest.

Hope you enjoyed and be sure to check out the game, as well as support the developers (kaleidoscube).

CaitlinRC