As of writing this article, I am nearing my final month at university. By the time this lockdown is lifted, I will have completed a bachelor’s degree in computer science. A terrifying concept, I know. Though after three years of study and a metric ton of coursework assignments, I still get asked the same few questions. If I had a pound for every time, I was asked one of the following questions, I would not have needed a student loan to fund my degree. What are these questions? Well:
Can you set up my printer/fix my laptop/other tech support tasks (I could but I do not want to)
Will computers and robots take over the world? (Only if we are stupid)
Are you a hacker? Can you hack into *insert government agency here*? (No, that is illegal)
Could you break into my devices and steal all my personal data? (Again, no, that is illegal)
It is this fourth question that I would like to linger on today. Growing up with technology, I have heard every story under the sun about how my online friends are a bunch of 55-year-old men hiding in bushes to spy on me. There are various TV shows dedicated to catfishing incidents and online dating horror stories, designed to act as a warning against sharing your personal information with strangers over the Internet.
Over the last couple of years, video games have started to imitate this trend. This is mostly done through games like Orwell (based on the 1984 novel) which make use of the “Big Brother” concept and found-phone games like Simulacra and Sara is Missing.
Now these games take a few liberties when it comes to what kind of information you can access on someone’s phone but ignoring those and the supernatural entities, a lot of the gameplay is accurate. Illegal, but accurate. The Computer Misuse Act (1990) forbids the unauthorised access of any individual to another’s devices that may contain personal data e.g. cell phones, laptops, secure workstations etc.
However, all that data on their social media posts, on their public blogs? That is open to the public. In the intelligence community, the investigation of this public information is known as Open-Source Intelligence (OSINT). Many of us have an incredibly strong presence online, I know I do.
For example, if you went on my personal Twitter (@CaitlinRC), and read through my tweets, you would know that I am at university in Cardiff, studying computer science. You could learn my birthday, figure out my age, find pictures of me at conventions with friends, and so on. This is all public information.
It is a scary concept is not it? There are hundreds of databases that can be accessed by the public, with personal data. For example, take a car you walk past. If you know the licence plate, you can search the DVLA’s database and find the make/colour of the car. Sites like the way back machine allow you to view what a site looked like at a specific point in time, including any information that was deleted later.
These sources of information have been crucial in solving missing person cases. Heck, I have taken part in some OSINT competitions and although the investigations are confidential, it’s a nice thought that maybe some of the information that I found, could help reunite a family or bring closure to those who need it. Found phone games try to capture that feeling. It is like an elaborate jigsaw puzzle. All the pieces begin to fit, events form a coherent timeline and you get that sense of satisfaction as it all comes together (insert Kronk meme).
Studying the contents of someone’s phone is a surprisingly efficient way to understand the owner themselves. To some, it is just a “tool” or a “screen”, but to a lot of us it is a lifeline. For those stuck in bad situations, their phone can be an escape route. I have several games on my phone that I use to calm myself down when I am feeling anxious. My phone is how I talk to my family, my friends, especially in times like these. I feel connected. I feel in control.
Excusing my obvious nerdiness for all thing’s computer science, how we choose to communicate with those we care about, is so important. No text conversation is the same. No relationship is the same. No battle with mental health is the same.
When a game pops up with a time limit, that aggressively counts down in the corner of my screen, I tend to panic. Any of that calm, methodical logic, goes straight out the window and is replaced with utter panic and chaos. Even the most experienced gamers can be caught off guard by a ticking clock, switching from calm professionalism to flailing back and forth, interacting with every possible object to stop the countdown. In hindsight, it is quite funny. In the moment however, it is utterly terrifying.
So, a game based entirely around a timer mechanic? It was intriguing and anxiety inducing to say the least. MINIT is a small, indie game made by Devolver Digital. An entirely black and white, goofy adventure game that requires you to find elegant solutions to puzzles within the 60 second time limit of each “run”. You have three functions in the game – MOVE, USE OBJECT and DIE. Yes, you read that correctly. The “DIE” option acts as an instant reset button. If you mess up the required items for a puzzle or realise that you are going to run out of time, then you do not need to reload a save file or lose an hour of progress.
Slightly ominous, standing behind a old bloke with a big old sword.
MINIT reminds me of the earlier Zelda games like Link’s Awakening and A Link Between Worlds. It focuses more on the top-down puzzle solving parts of similar adventure games, filtering it down to the core essentials. You have the key mechanic – the 60 second timer, triggered by picking up a cursed sword that was lying around (as they normally do). Your end goal is to go to the factory where the cursed swords are being manufactured and to shut it down. Naturally, that involves entering a haunted house, travelling to a desert island, exploring a temple, and trying not to get murdered by snakes. All in the span of 60 seconds.
What I find most fascinating about this game, is that I felt calm throughout it. Even when I failed at a puzzle, or ran out of time, I felt that I knew enough to improve on my next run. There was no creeping anxiety or shaking hands that normally accompany those timed situations. In hindsight, that is a rather sad thought to have. Regardless, we all know how impactful time restrictions and deadlines can be. Just look at the education system in most countries.
A good, pixelated doggo, to calm all your worries.
The exams that you sit in the UK, tend to be about two or three hours long, depending on the topic. Some subjects have multiple papers, like Maths, whilst others only have one or two papers, like Psychology. The dozens of hours that you have put into studying, the hundred odd hours that your teachers put into delivering the content, all come down to those precious minutes in the exam hall. Especially when some subjects do not use coursework to assess their students, your entire qualifications depend on how you perform over the course of a few weeks.
Academic exams were my nightmare. Even at university, they still are. No matter how much preparation I do, be that past papers, lab questions, aggressively staring at the content and hoping it will absorb into my skull, I always struggle. Often, I walk into the exam room, sit down and immediately panic and forget everything. My breathing grows rapid, my heart races and my hands and legs wont stop shaking. I take my exams in a smaller room due to anxiety and I do receive extra time, but these provisions only came when I was at university. During secondary school, I refused to admit that I had a problem. So, I would sit in that exam hall filled with over a hundred other students and suffer through, rarely achieving what I was capable of.
Spooky temple is spooky.
More often that not, it would stump my teachers. My performance in class and in my various homework assignments were always of high quality but whenever exam season came around, my grades would fall flat. We tried different revision strategies and calming techniques, but nothing seemed to work. Now that I am on medication and am working through my issues, my exams are not as bad to deal with, but they still are not great. I do not cope well in big action games that give me a countdown or I receive an instant game over. The number of times I have hurled a controller across the room due to failing a countdown scenario, is more than I would care to admit to on the internet.
MINIT provides the player with a list of achievements that they can aim for in the course of a initial playthrough, as well as challenges for those seeking a bit more difficulty in their gaming experiences. Some of them are goofy ones, like watering your dog with a watering can or talking to a mysterious ghost called Mary. It is a fascinating game for speed runners as well, considering the number of spawns you take has an impact on how “well” your run goes. The “Second Run” mode, only gives you 40 seconds on your timer, forcing you to think about your actions clearly.
I wonder what their rates are for an overnight stay.
As far as I am aware, MINIT is still on Game Pass for Xbox/PC so, give it a go if you are interested! It is a game that you can pick up easily and have a good time with, regardless of how much spare time you can dedicate to it! Ten minutes or an hour, I hope you will have a blast with it either way.
I hope you are all staying safe in these scary times and if you ever need anyone to talk to, reach out to me. Be that in the comments, through the contact page on the site or on Twitter @OurMindGames.
So, it’s been a year since I published my first article on the site. We’ve come so far since then. I got to talk to some amazing developers as a press member at EGX, I met some of you guys, we have over 1,800 views and nearly 1000 unique visitors. 50 articles, dozens of comments and a small dent made into the stigma surrounding mental health in the gaming community.
Thank you all for your support. It means the world to me that I get to do this every week. So to say thank you, I reached out for some questions from you guys and well… here are the answers! Stay safe everyone.
…HONK
What is your favourite psychological trope/story in video games? And your least favourite? (@AgtFLAMINGO314)
Surprisingly for a computing student, I’m not a fan of how video games tackle Artificial Intelligence. Gaming as an industry has just beaten the life out of the question “can machines feel?”, to the point where it makes me wince to see it. We get it, you want to stay up to date with technology. But they just don’t understand how it works – it just goes into a revolution story that feels half hearted and forced.
I also hate when games depict those with mental illnesses as “unstable” or “dangerous”. It’s calmed down a lot more recently but there are still the occasional characters in games that make me want to pull my hair out because WE ARE NOT LIKE THAT. Our mental illnesses do not make us any less human and if one more developer turns someone with PTS into a serial killer, I’m going to become one myself. (Yes, I see the irony.)
Favourite trope? When it comes to psychology, I have always been fascinated with the thinking behind mythology. How those stories come to form beliefs and understanding, to create entire communities dedicated to its worship and understanding. Any game that tackles those beliefs, that challenges them and makes them all the stronger from it, is good with me. As it shows how we as a species can grow and adapt, whilst holding on to what makes us unique.
Either that or social psychology. Compliance and conformity especially, hence why one of the games series I have a soft spot for is the Orwell games. Dystopian future or not, the power of social influence cannot be denied.
We may not know whether it all exists, but it’s damn interesting.
Other than games, what do you find most helpful when relaxing? I.e. books, films or music etc, and any favourites? (@Ode_Ollie)
Often, what I do whilst relaxing will vary dependent on what kind of mood I’m in. Mostly, I tend to do various tasks that involve using my hands. Be that building LEGO, drawing, writing something or even cleaning, I like to physically do something and be able to see the results.
The rest of the time, music is a big relaxation tool for me. If I’m at home, then I grab my guitar and try strumming along to whatever I’m listening to. Otherwise, I have set playlists built up. Be it drowning out the negative thoughts, reliving warm memories associated with specific tunes or just allowing myself to think over the actions of the day, my noise cancelling headphones have become a major support mechanism to me.
Plus, reading is my jam. I’m a big book worm. Regardless of mood, a good book is something I can always lose myself in.
Choose Your Own Adventure Books are still great.
Do you know how many of us, as well as your work, have helped? (@Ode_Ollie)
I will never really be able to comprehend how my work has impacted people, because I barely understand how it has changed my life as it is. However, whether my articles have reached one person or dozens of people, I don’t regret starting the site. Any difference I can make, is worth the effort.
I still adore the logo that @spaceladyart made for us.
1 YEAR W H A T??? (@RupertLitterbin)
I know right? I got an email from WordPress the other day congratulating me on the anniversary of creating my site and nearly dropped my phone on the floor. So much has happened in the 365 days since I published that first piece. I left EGX Rezzed last year, determined to start my own site and to open those channels of communication with my fellow gamers. To see how far I have come, with the amazing support of those around me, is insane. I’m probably in the Matrix. That’d explain it.
Surprised Tom Nook isn’t the bad guy in the Matrix sequels tbh.
How do you deal with crowds of people at events like EGX and other conventions, especially with travelling to and from said events? (@MaxVelocity7)
Anxiety is a major issue when it comes to being able to attend gaming conventions such as EGX and Rezzed. Crowds are always going to be there. On the journey there, during the day itself, on your way home at night, even when you’re hunting for something to eat or queueing for the bathroom! Personally, I’ve never liked crowds anyways, so London isn’t on my list of favourite places to be, especially during the busier times. Heck, I don’t like going out in Cardiff during game day because I know just how insanely hectic it’ll be.
However, I can’t avoid crowds forever no matter how hard I try, so I’ve got my coping mechanisms for dealing with them. Let me lay out some of my techniques for you:
Plan The Journey – Know exactly what train you are getting, what time it leaves, what route it takes, what stops you get off at and so on. If you’re getting the Tube, make a note of the line you are taking and what direction it’s going so you can get to your platform without getting lost in the crowd. Put it in a note on your phone, for the way there and the way back, so you have one less thing to worry about.
Have Distractions – I have my noise cancelling headphones. As noise is a big anxiety stimulant for me, they act as a barrier between myself and the stressors, as well as being a big indicator to people to LEAVE ME ALONE. Some of my friends have stress balls or putty that they fiddle with. Others have wristbands. Find what makes you feel safe and bring it with you.
Quiet Spaces – Thankfully, conventions are getting the message that quiet spaces are needed so those who get overwhelmed can decompress somewhere safe. They are not always marked on the little map they give you, but they tend to be in small tents/past a curtain or doorway, with beanbags and spaces to sit in the quiet. Don’t feel bad if you need to use it. You deserve to enjoy the convention to and if you need time out, take it.
Friends – If possible, meet up or go with a friend. One that is aware of your anxiety and can act as your bodyguard from crowds when everything gets too busy. Make sure you define a signal or a phrase that’ll alert your friend if you aren’t okay and don’t feel bad if you can’t cope with everything all the time. They’d much rather have fun with you, than be playing alone. Trust me.
Breaks – Giving yourself time out is so important. Conventions are insanely busy, hectic, over-stimulating and anxiety inducing. It’s easier to handle if you take regular, short breaks. Be that getting lunch, a coffee or just sitting down for a bit. Decompress and relax. You deserve it.
The board game sections are always great to sit and relax in.
Favourite piece you’ve written so far? (@Fr0do_Baggins)
Hmm. Favourite piece so far. Considering I’ve written fifty articles now, which is an insane number to say the least, to choose my favourite is easy. It’s got to be the piece I wrote on GRIS, which was my favourite game of 2019 in the end. A short, beautiful experience whose soundtrack can bring me to tears if I’m in a mindset. You lose yourself completely in the experience and experience the protagonist’s journey as your own. There’s a reason why it is also the longest article I’ve written for the site thus far. However, as amazing as the game is, that’s not the reason why it is my favourite article.
GRIS was a journey. A journey of grief, loss and depression. It is one that I am very familiar with and one I think a lot of us will be forced to take during this current crisis. It was especially key to me working through my own grief, as I played the game and wrote the article about a month after the death of my grandfather. I still feel that ache of loss when I see finches on the bird feeders or butterflies fluttering around the buddleia, but it is no longer that painful stab that it was before. GRIS helped me understand the difference between torturing myself with my memories and keeping them as reminders of who Papa was to me.
Loss isn’t the end. I know that now.
What would be your desert island games? If you had to choose 8 and only those eight to play again, what would they be and why? (@Ode_Ollie)
Haven’t thought about the desert island scenario in a long time, so this is a good question! Here’s my list for you, off the top of my head:
Animal Crossing – They’ve always been my go-to relaxation games, which means that I associate it with a sense of calm and peacefulness that I don’t always get in my daily life.
Professor Layton (Miracle Mask) – As much as I’d love all the games in the series to come with me, that’d take up the entire list so instead, I’ve gone for my favourite of the main storyline, with cutscenes and a storyline that still make me well up on the 50th playthrough.
The Walking Dead (Telltale) – CLEMENTINE IS MY PRECIOUS BADASS CHILD, NEED I SAY MORE?
Assassins Creed Syndicate – The Frye twins are all I aspire to be in life, if I was more flexible and in greater physical condition. Also, I have the same reaction as Evie to a dress.
Spiderman PS4 – I just love being able to swing around the city and the combat is so satisfying to chain together with the aerial movement. It’s like a beautiful ballet of violence.
Octopath Traveller – Honestly, I just love the game. Being able to jump between all the character’s stories and to punch ginormous pixel art bosses in the face with my PET SNOW LEOPARD, is satisfying as all hell.
Stories Untold – Essentially my favourite storytelling experience of all time, especially for the text adventure fan within me.
Spyro The Dragon – 99% of my childhood memories are tied to this game. I still play the original with my mum from time to time. We’ve 100%’d the first five games (before it went all fighter combos) at least 30 times.
J’ACCUSE
The best thing about creating MindGames? The hardest thing about it? (@Ode_Ollie)
Best thing? Oh, that’s an easy one. It’s the community behind it. I never expected the outpouring of support that I have received from everyone. The fascinating insights and points that you all take from my writing, often astound me, as they aren’t things that I thought of at the time. Honestly, your comments and responses often make my writing seem a lot better than it is 😛
Hardest thing? I think it is talking about my mental health. Ironically, encouraging conversations about mental health and supporting one another, is why I made the site in the first place, but when it comes to my own mindset, I often feel ashamed or insecure. That’s exactly the feeling I’m trying to tackle, so it’s always a bit of an internal struggle when I’m writing about topics closer to my heart.
It’s the “we” that’s important. We aren’t alone.
How can you do so much and continuously create the most wonderful content and be this amazing a person and not let the quality slide? (@Ode_Ollie)
First off, you’re an absolute angel. You have supported me tirelessly since the birth of Mind Games and I can never thank you enough for that. Also, my LEGO Statue of Liberty looks great, thank you again for that. Hopefully the world looks favourably on us at some point in the future and we can hang out!
I’ve always understood my greatest enemy is my own mind. Being busy is my main method of coping, of being able to manage that anxiety and those negative thoughts that linger at the back of my mind. Especially at this key point in my life, with my graduation and starting a job and finding a place to live, plus all the usual young adult drama that comes with it, having something to distract you is so important.
Part of that distraction is routine, and I’ve managed to cement Mind Games into that routine. It gives me a chance, once a week to speak candidly about how I am feeling, how the game of choice touched me on a personal level and to connect with you all as best I can. Personally, I’m rarely “happy” with my articles, as I set myself very high standards. However, if I feel an article isn’t of the quality, I expect from myself, then I don’t release it.
Trust me, there are so many drafts and redrafts in my documents folder, including pieces on games that I never actually released. I refuse to let quality slide because the point behind Mind Games was to create a space for us to talk about these issues and to find that representation that we don’t always see. I won’t sacrifice that community for the sake of viewership from quick and easy articles.
*-*-*-*-*-*
Thank you all for the questions and for reading this far down! We’ve come a long way. Thank you. So much.
Love. Some say that it’s merely a biproduct of our brain chemistry, others cling to their belief in soulmates. There are so many stories in mythology, history and common folklore about the love between gods and humanity, how those feelings could overcome the greatest distances or the most grievous injuries. People tend to only really focus on two types – romantic love and familial love.
Personally, I’ve never experienced romantic love. I struggle with emotions as it is, so I can’t really imagine what it must be like to fall head over heels for someone like sappy romance novels attempt to describe. Loving your family though? I’m lucky enough to have them feel as strongly towards me as I do towards them. I love my family more than anything and will continue to protect them, be that from external dangers or my own mental state.
Another type though, is often the most influential. Platonic love. Love towards your friends. It’s more than being loyal or confiding in one another, it goes so much deeper than that. They become a part of you. When you see a message from them or see them smile, it makes you smile too. Their happiness is intertwined with yours. It’s hard to describe.
There aren’t quite the right words in the English language that can truly express how deep and powerful a connection between friends can be. If you just stop for a moment and imagine your closest friend. View every detail of their face, their little mannerisms. How their eyes light up when they laugh, how excited and passionate they become when talking about something they love. Now, push away that image. It hurts, doesn’t it? That little pang, that tug of sorrow. You miss them, even though, they were just a mental image.
If you have a friend like this in your life, treasure them. Hold onto them with every fibre of your being. They are the kind of friend who you can not talk to for months on end, yet still have that same closeness as if only an hour has passed. You don’t have to be together in the same room for them to have an impact on you. Be it a letter, a message or just talking about them to someone else, often that’s more than other to put that little spring in your step.
Love, adoration, loyalty, protectiveness and pride, are all emotions that rise to the surface when that person comes to mind. Whenever they achieve something, you want the whole world to know how amazing they are and more importantly, you want them to recognise how brilliant they are.
I have a few friends like this. They know who they are. Be it playing Tomb Raider whilst they tidy their room, talking about vampires and niche musicals, just lying next to one another doing our own thing or getting trolled by the NATO alphabet, these are people that you can depend on. They have made such a substantial difference on my life and who I have become.
I believe in myself more and more, because they encourage me. I am less afraid to tackle the demons in my head, because I know they will be right behind me to catch me if I fall. If I need them, they will be there as soon as they can. They would go to the ends of the earth for me and I would do the same for them. Not because I want to date them or because they’re related to me by blood, but because they deserve the world.
Support them and they will support you. Especially in times like this.
As you may have guessed from the title, I want to talk about the COVID-19 Pandemic that is sweeping the world. Personally, I’ve been self-isolating for around two weeks now and haven’t left the house for 10 days. After my last trip to the pharmacy to pick up my medication, I started feeling a bit off. Then I developed a persistent cough and a slight fever. I think I’m almost back to full health. However, there are so many that are not as lucky.
The elderly, the disabled, the immunocompromised and the key workers on the front lines of this pandemic, are all so much more susceptible to this sickness. Whilst I sit on my bed writing this, thousands of people are out working to save lives, feed families and keep the communities that we have strived so hard to build, intact. If you are one of them, I salute you. Meanwhile, the rest of us are (hopefully) staying inside and dealing with the new problems that weeks of self-isolation have created.
In times like this, mental health pushes its way to the forefront of our minds. Although isolation is the best way to prevent the spread of the virus, it is a double-edged sword. Humans are inherently social creatures. The connections we form with those we love are critical to our mental wellbeing. Loneliness and isolation can be the two biggest triggers when it comes to a declining mental state.
You know that scene in films, where the lead character is all happy and cheerful until they are alone in their room – at which point they slide down the door and burst into tears? It’s not that far from the truth. In public we tend to put on a facade that we think those around us want to see. We’re scared of judgement, of hatred or cruelty. More than that, we’re scared that people won’t understand us.
That fear, that dread and anxiety? Most of the time, that goes away when you talk to your friends and family about it. You see the love they have for you on their faces, you hear it in their voices. Their support and loyalty are crystal clear. However, when all you have is some text on a screen or a phone call that only seems to last a few minutes, it becomes hard to prove that little nagging voice in your head wrong.
I’m lucky enough to be staying at my house in Cardiff with my housemates. I have an amazing community that supports me, and my parents regularly check up on me to ensure I haven’t fallen asleep under a pile of laundry like a cat. However, even with all this, that voice grows louder each day I spend in self-isolation. I can only imagine how much louder it would be if I was alone.
We’ve talked about the negative spiral multiple times in many different contexts. Yet again, that painful loop rears it’s head in this crisis. For each day that I feel ill, or unmotivated or sad, I am not productive. A lack of productivity makes me feel guilty. That guilt makes me question my own abilities and my self-worth. That leads to a lack of self-care and more days where I simply cannot face being productive. It just goes around and around, endlessly.
I don’t regret staying inside. I don’t regret self-isolating. By staying home, I am protecting people. My body is healthy enough to fit off this illness but not everyone is so lucky. By doing this, we are protecting the key workers. By doing this, I am protecting someone’s loved ones from falling ill. Who knows, maybe by staying home, I could have saved someone’s life.
The main issue I have had with staying home and isolated, is that I am scared I am losing myself. Not in a big way or anything. Just small pieces that get chipped off as the days go by. Bits of my identity. Be that my friendships, my love of theatre, the campaigns I run for my friends, the video games I play or the relationships I hold with my family. Sometimes, when you’re alone, you feel that you have no control, that it’s all slipping away.
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