Category: Real Life

Deep Platonic Love – A Guide To Tolerating Other Humans:

Posted on by in Real Life

Love. Some say that it’s merely a biproduct of our brain chemistry, others cling to their belief in soulmates. There are so many stories in mythology, history and common folklore about the love between gods and humanity, how those feelings could overcome the greatest distances or the most grievous injuries. People tend to only really focus on two types – romantic love and familial love.

Personally, I’ve never experienced romantic love. I struggle with emotions as it is, so I can’t really imagine what it must be like to fall head over heels for someone like sappy romance novels attempt to describe. Loving your family though? I’m lucky enough to have them feel as strongly towards me as I do towards them. I love my family more than anything and will continue to protect them, be that from external dangers or my own mental state.

Another type though, is often the most influential. Platonic love. Love towards your friends. It’s more than being loyal or confiding in one another, it goes so much deeper than that. They become a part of you. When you see a message from them or see them smile, it makes you smile too. Their happiness is intertwined with yours. It’s hard to describe.

There aren’t quite the right words in the English language that can truly express how deep and powerful a connection between friends can be. If you just stop for a moment and imagine your closest friend. View every detail of their face, their little mannerisms. How their eyes light up when they laugh, how excited and passionate they become when talking about something they love. Now, push away that image. It hurts, doesn’t it? That little pang, that tug of sorrow. You miss them, even though, they were just a mental image.

If you have a friend like this in your life, treasure them. Hold onto them with every fibre of your being. They are the kind of friend who you can not talk to for months on end, yet still have that same closeness as if only an hour has passed. You don’t have to be together in the same room for them to have an impact on you. Be it a letter, a message or just talking about them to someone else, often that’s more than other to put that little spring in your step.

Love, adoration, loyalty, protectiveness and pride, are all emotions that rise to the surface when that person comes to mind. Whenever they achieve something, you want the whole world to know how amazing they are and more importantly, you want them to recognise how brilliant they are.

I have a few friends like this. They know who they are. Be it playing Tomb Raider whilst they tidy their room, talking about vampires and niche musicals, just lying next to one another doing our own thing or getting trolled by the NATO alphabet, these are people that you can depend on. They have made such a substantial difference on my life and who I have become.

I believe in myself more and more, because they encourage me. I am less afraid to tackle the demons in my head, because I know they will be right behind me to catch me if I fall. If I need them, they will be there as soon as they can. They would go to the ends of the earth for me and I would do the same for them. Not because I want to date them or because they’re related to me by blood, but because they deserve the world.

Support them and they will support you. Especially in times like this.

CaitlinRC.

Ten Candles – We Fear The Dark For A Reason:

Posted on by in Gaming, Other TTRPG's, Real Life, tabletop

As my final term at university passes by, I often sit back and reflect on how far I’ve come. From admitting I had mental health issues, to starting medication, to starting Mind Games and preparing to go out into the world as a fully-fledged adult – it’s been a hell of a journey. A big part of that process has been the time I have spent with my friends. Since I don’t really drink and the university clubbing scene is the definition of a panic attack for me, I tend to stick to sober events. Watching films, playing video games, chatting with friends and sucking at minigolf, I’ve done it all. My favourite thing to do though, is play board games with those friends. Especially ones that stay with you.

I’ve spoken before about Dungeons and Dragons on the site and anyone who follows my Twitter will know that I’m currently running a campaign for some friends. However, the world of tabletop gaming is not just D&D, much to the shock of many. Thanks in part to the afternoons I’ve spent in board game cafes with my friends from school, and to communities like Dicebreaker – I’ve gotten to explore the genre that I love, a bit more deeply. From Dead of Winter and Betrayal at The House on The Hill, to Call of Cthulhu and Band of Blades, there’s a massive range of games out there for you and more are being developed every single day.

If you read my Betrayal article, you’ll know what these are for.

One tabletop game that has really hit close to home for me recently is the horror RPG, Ten Candles. There aren’t many games that can stun my friends into silence for more than a few seconds, yet Ten Candles manages it. Every decision that my players made were given an extensive level of thought, detail and care, before committing to it. Considering these are the same players that tend to throw fireballs first and ask questions later, it’s an astounding difference to witness. So, what is Ten Candles? Why am I committing an entire article to it? Why should you play it? Let me tell you.

Humans have always feared the dark. Though when you delve further into it, it’s more a fear of the unknown. We can cope with what we can see, what we know is there. It’s a quantifiable problem that we can take steps to combat. In the pitch black, you don’t know what’s there, what it’s doing or whether that prickling on the back of your neck is it creeping ever closer. Ten Candles is played mostly in the dark. Once you finish creating the characters you will tell the story with, you turn off any lights in the room. Your only illumination is by the ten candles sat in the centre of the table.

And we are alive.

The sky has gone dark. No sun, no satellites, no phones or GPS. Power grids have failed across the continents and the world you know has been plunged into darkness. Creatures known only as “They”, stalk the shadows, cutting down the last remnants of humanity as you struggle to survive in this post-apocalyptic world. “They” will claim your life in the end. That much is certain. Ten Candles isn’t about survival or “winning”. It’s a game about loss and hope, about finding light in the darkness and making your last moments of living worthwhile.

This is how to grab an audience’s attention.

There aren’t any overly complex rules or time-consuming preparations to make in order to enjoy Ten Candles. All you really need are candles, paper, pens, some regular dice (6-sided) and something to dispose of/burn the paper slips in. Time is marked by the extinguishing of candles. For each failed conflict (dictated by dice rolls), a candle is darkened. If you don’t fail any conflicts, a candle will go out eventually. The end comes for us all, eventually. When you have one final candle left, the Last Stand begins. This is the final scene of the game in which every character will die. It’s inevitable.

Once every character has perished, the final candle is blown out. You sit, in complete darkness and listen to a recording your players recorded as their characters at the start of the game. Their voices, speaking words of hope and sorrow, are haunting, especially with their death scene ringing in their ears. When the recording ends, you all sit there in the darkness – lost in your own thoughts and reflecting on the dark journey they will have taken over the past few hours.

Before the lights go out and the game begins, you must create your characters. Characters are made up of five characteristics – Virtues (positive trait), Vices (negative trait), Concepts (who are you), Moments and Brinks. Your Virtue, Vices and Brinks are made by the players either side of you – allowing totally unique characters to be made in every session. Your Concept and your Moment are entirely your choice. A Moment is a scenario in which your character can find hope. Be that reuniting with a lost family member, taking down one of “Them” or finding somewhere safe to stay the night, these Moments provide you with another dice in the Last Stand – increasing your chances of achieving something significant in your final moments.

As much as I didn’t discuss the Establishing Truths phase, these three lines are what stays with you.

Brinks are a bit different. A brink is what your character is like when pushed to the edge. What do they do when faced with loss or grief? Do they fly into a rage? Were they a murderer before this all began? The possibilities are endless. As the players decide the Brink for the person on their left, this means that the GM is also involved. The GM plays as “Them”, and they have seen one of the players at their breaking point. This means the players Brink is kept secret. Meanwhile the player to the right of the GM gets to decide what form “They” take in the session. Do they worship the moon? Do they shapeshift? Do they mimic voices? What powers do they have?

This story is not a happy one. It is a joint tale of hope, desperation, fear and co-operation in the darkness. Although the GM is there to lead the story, they are not in control of everything that happens. Sometimes, it is up to the players to narrate what happens. Everyone at the table works together to weave a story they deem worthy of telling. Their interactions, their moments of hope and loss, their eventual deaths – they all must have meaning and weight behind them. At the end of the world, you are what will be the difference between the light and the darkness.

We may be destined to die but it is up to you how it happens.

If you can, I’d suggest playing this yourself. You can get a PDF of the rulebook or a paper-copy from cavalrygames.com to support the creator Stephen Dewey – a very talented developer. It is an experience that I feel will stay with you for a long time and bring your friends closer together.

Till next week,

CaitlinRC.

LEGO Games – Because punching buildings till they break is vandalism apparently:

Posted on by in Gaming, Real Life

If you’ve been following me on Twitter (which you should all do, just saying @OurMindGames), then you’ll understand I’ve recently fallen back in love with Lego. Growing up, I was the opposite of my older sister – who preferred the more stereotypically feminine stuff. Nothing wrong with that, it just wasn’t me.

My love of video games and creating things, be it through Lego or carpentry, has had a major influence on the young adult I have become. I loved to create motorised vehicles out of Lego, so much so that I genuinely considered becoming a mechanical engineer for a good few years (before I realised that I didn’t like studying physics). So, to come back to it after all these years has a somewhat bittersweet feel to it.

LOOK UPON MY CREATION AND WEEP.

Alongside my university studies, I work as an ambassador in local schools, delivering workshops, computing lessons and providing access to new technologies that the kids may not have had access to before. My Saturday mornings are spent helping younger kids build their own games, robots and applications from all sorts of bits of tech. Honestly, most of the kids are leaps and bounds ahead of where I was when I was their age, which is really heartening to see.

One of the most popular bits of kit, is the Lego Mindstorms – programmable robot units given movement, control and purpose by adding Lego blocks! More often that not, I end up on the floor, digging through boxes of bricks looking for the specific piece that will complete the kid’s magnum opus.

Thankfully, the love of Lego did not die with my generation.

Side note, typing that sentence genuinely made me shudder out of realisation that I’m technically part of a different generation. Age is just a number, come at me world. If I want to build Lego, dance in the rain and roll down grass hills, then I will. You cannot stop me! (Cue evil laughter)

Moving past the days of Lego stop motion movies, more often that not, we often see these building bits in game adaptations of our favourite franchises – such as Marvel, DC, Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings. Though that last one isn’t really an option anymore, unless you want a court case on your hands.

RIP the precious

A lot of kids first experiences with these cinematic universes, is through Lego games. Obviously, not every parent is content with letting their primary school age child play games with heavy themes or to see films with adult ratings. For example, I used to only be able to play games that were rated 15 or 18, if my dad was with me. So, I have played a lot of Lego games.

A large amount of gatekeeping in the gaming community is based on the argument of what constitutes an actual “game”. Some claim that only console/PC games fit the criteria, others argue that there should be some degree of difficulty in the gameplay for it to be called a “proper game”. Lego games, with their simple but enjoyable gameplay, basic puzzles and focus on fun, tend to be in the eye of the storm. Let’s chat through a few of the common complaints:

Avenge their bricky bodies

“They’re too easy”

What’s wrong with a game being easy? Considering the complex issues that we deal with in everyday life, sometimes it is nice to play a game that doesn’t go out of its way to challenge you. It’s about enjoyment, losing yourself in something other than your problems for a while and getting a small sense of achievement when you beat a boss or solve a puzzle. Depending on your mental state at the time, it might be your only win in a day filled with losses.

*WEEE WOOOO WEEEE WOOO* ITS THE LAW

“Nobody enjoys them or wants to play them.”

For those who struggle with reaction times or complex puzzles, having a game that is fully playable for them, is a welcome relief. Although the games industry is slowly improving, it is not the most accessible thing in the world. From providing subtitles, to having different colour schemes, to turning off quick time events entirely, there are lots of ways that games can broaden their audience and allow anyone and everyone to enjoy the experience. Plus, they’re good multiplayer games. Being able to play games with your loved ones, especially if you don’t normally get to, is a wonderful way to make memories. Just because you don’t enjoy something, doesn’t mean others won’t. Remember that.

IM BATMAN AND IM FINE.

“They’re boring.”

Considering the popularity of the Lego games, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Whether it’s building the actual sets, punching every breakable thing in sight to collect studs, or swinging around as a Lego version of Spiderman, there is a childish delight in these experiences.

Personally, I find the process of building the Lego sets very therapeutic and relaxing. For someone whose mind is often filled with anxiety, fear, self-loathing and every possible catastrophic scenario that could befall me, Lego provides a peaceful respite. Don’t knock it till you try it.

Anyways, I’ve got sleep to catch up on and crops to harvest on my virtual farm. Till next time,

CaitlinRC.

Horror Games – Eternal Screaming

Posted on by in Gaming, Real Life

I’ve never been good with horror. My brain has a habit of taking a titbit of information about blowing it way out of proportion in a cinematic-style nightmare that Alfred Hitchcock would be proud of. So, I haven’t played many horror games. Often, I start a game and painstakingly make my way through the first few levels or areas, with my heart being in my mouth and my hands clenching so much that I’m surprised that there are dents in my controllers from where my fingers were. Then, I experience a horrifying jumpscare or an unavoidable fight with a monstrosity that urges me to turn off my console faster than a power cut.

For example, I’m trying to finish PREY, as I have a good idea for an article on it and I am enjoying the storyline immensely. I’m just having to recover between sessions, as my body needs time to rest after crawling along the corridors, praying that the Phantom’s don’t see me because my lungs can’t last much longer without oxygen. I’ll get there eventually. In like a decade. Or six.

GET THEE BACK PHANTOM DEMON

Curiously, I enjoy watching playthroughs of horror games. My housemates have grown used to me being sat in the living room, occasionally jumping at a jumpscare that they can’t see. Then again, I’ve walked into a housemate lying face down on the sofa, making an odd high-pitched noise, so I guess we’re all a bit weird here. Quite a few of my friends are naturally anxious, paranoid and easily scared, yet are obsessed with the genre that should be their worst nightmare.

In human psychology, our fight-or-flight response is triggered during dangerous events or moments of extreme fear. Yet, we keep playing the games. We keep going back to the jumpscares and the dark corridors with unfathomable horrors hiding in every corner of it. So, why does the horror genre have such success when it seemingly goes against human nature?

Still remarkably terrifying to this day.

This idea of actively seeking danger can be seen in many aspects of our lives – such as the existence of rollercoasters, bungee jumping and extreme sports. As a species, we seem to seek out dangerous situations rather than avoiding them as our instincts and ancestors scream for us to do. It’s an interesting conundrum to be sure, as well as a popular research topic in psychological studies. Fear is one of the most fundamental parts of what makes us human, so we strive to understand and harness it in any way possible. The gaming industry agrees with this practise and actively builds upon it.

We’ve talked before about horror games and the sense of isolation, anxiety and fear they can put upon their players – in our Alien Isolation piece. However, I wanted to talk a bit more generally about the genre as sometimes being able to step back allows us to gain a greater understanding of a situation. The big picture, so to speak. The big, horrible, terrifying, grotesque picture. Seriously, are the art departments at gaming companies ok? Some of the monsters in games nowadays are regular stars in my nightmares, so naturally I’m worried about the designers who thought up the unimaginable horrors.

Although I love watching others play Outlast, I will NEVER play it myself.

When it comes down to it, I think the horror genre has such success because it provides us with a sense of control that we often lose in the real world. In a scary situation you can’t just hit the pause button until you regain your composure. You must grit your teeth and fight on through, even though every part of you just wants to curl up somewhere quiet and escape it for a while. With horror games you can try to overcome those fears with no real fear of failure. Sure, sometimes you’ll struggle to complete a game but there’s no shame in giving up on it, after all – it’s only a video game.

This idea of control can also be tied to our sense of achievement. When it comes to things like mental health conditions, phobias and other disabilities, there never really is an end point to the battle. No credits roll, no emotional cutscene plays and no satisfying conclusion tries to tie all the loose ends together for you. You’ve merely managed to leap over one hurdle on a racetrack filled with more and more challenges for you to face. Sometimes you fall but instead of respawning at a save point, that pain stays with you – you learn to live with it, to take what lessons you can from it and to avoid it in future.

I don’t think I’ll ever recover from finding the baby in the bathroom. THIS IS NOT A HYGEINIC SLEEPING PLACE BABY.

Yet in video games, when those credits roll or that achievement pops – you feel you’ve accomplished something. The relief and sense of pride that floods your emotions after finishing a terrifying horror game is such a unique experience that it’s hard to really put into words. Whether you made it one level or collected every collectible in the game, you completed something that every rational part of human psychology would want you to run away from. That’s something to be proud of.

To all you horror gamers out there, I salute your bravery. However, I’m going to go back to hiding under my fluffy blanket and hurling my controller across the room at the slightest spook.

Till next time,

CaitlinRC.

Peek Into My Mind:

Posted on by in Real Life

I’m sat writing this on one of the sofa’s in my living room. One of my housemates is cooking, another is sat watching The Sidemen fail at answering general knowledge questions whilst the final two are away at an event for the evening. The last two weeks have been very up and down regarding my mental health, with my schedule not really allowing for any down time to recharge properly. If I’m honest with you all, and I always strive to be honest, I’ve reached a limit. Burnout is a common thing, especially for those with mental health issues. Considering how busy I’ve been with university, my part time job and all my additional commitments – it’s a miracle that it hadn’t happened sooner.

The thing is, I haven’t lost my inspiration to write, edit videos or draw. In fact, it’s the other way around. As I’m writing this, I’ve got a rough plan for an art project, several videos that I’m in the process of editing and a tonne of article ideas. The inspiration and motivation are there, I just don’t have the energy for it. When I do have the energy, I get hit with the guilt. The guilt that I am avoiding doing my university work, that I’m not finishing coursework or revising for exams. It’s always there, sitting on my shoulder – reminding me that every moment that I’m not focusing on university or finding a graduate position, is wasting time.

A lot of you can relate to this because it’s a big part of the negative cycle that those with depression and anxiety suffer from. When you feel that guilt, it stresses you out because those deadlines seem to loom over you, even if they’re months away. That stress leads to anxiety over failing or disappointing those around you, which leads to even more self-loathing and doubt. When you’re in that kind of mental state, you can’t get any work done – causing guilt and starting the cycle anew. It’s toxic. It’s hard to break out of. After all, how can you form a plan of attack when that demon in your head can hear every thought you’re having?

A few weeks ago, we talked about why I started Mind Games. Obviously, mental health is such an important topic, now more than ever. Children are having panic attacks over schoolwork, students having to drop out of university due to suicidal thoughts, loneliness consuming the older population – these are all problems that we are facing, day in and day out. For those of you who have never had an anxiety attack, let me give a bit of context. You genuinely feel like you are dying. Your heart races, you struggle to draw in oxygen, and everything seems to be crashing down around you. It’s terrifying. Even now, when I know exactly what to expect from one, it still catches me off guard and stays with me for hours after the event.

Even now, the diagnosis of a mental health condition is categorised as a weakness by many. They think that because you hear voices, have panic attacks or struggle to get out of bed in the morning, means they can look down on you as a “less worthy” person. That couldn’t be further from the truth and it always infuriates me when people talk about mental health as a “problem” that we need to eradicate. Being able to live each day of your life, with those demons hanging on your shoulder – is a testament to the sheer inner strength and determination of every one of us. A bad day isn’t a failure, it’s merely a reset. You can always try again.

Trying to explain my mental health is probably one of the hardest things that I’ve done. Not because it’s challenging or dramatic but because I barely understand it myself. You can’t put it into words because it is so deeply personal. My mental health is a result of my experiences, my reactions, my loved ones and lost ones. So, making a site focused around something so personal, means that sometimes that I need to let you all peek behind the curtain a bit. I’m open about my mental health issues and my state of mind but obviously I don’t share everything with you all, a girl has got to have some secrets after all.

When people describe mental health as a constant fight or a never-ending battle, they aren’t exaggerating. It’s an endless crusade against an enemy that reinvents itself and can change its strategy at any point. You never know where you are safe. It could pop out in the middle of the unknown or under your bed at night – it’s always somehow right behind you and round the next corner at the same time. I’ve been in a relatively good place mentally for the last few months. However, if I compared that state of mind to someone who doesn’t experience mental health issues, they’d probably want to book me a doctor’s appointment on the spot. I haven’t won the battle. I probably never will.

However, I haven’t lost. I’m still here, writing these articles and listening to all your amazing stories. To me, that’s a victory. Although this little community we have built may not seem anything major, to me it’s worth more than anything. Each day that you wake up and go “I’m still here”, is a monumental achievement.

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but I’ll say it.

I’m proud of you. I always will be.

Back to rambling about games next time, I promise.

– CaitlinRC