Tag: video games

What’s Going On?

Posted on by in Real Life

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I’ve not given up on this site and the positive impact that I want it to have on the gaming community. A lot has happened in the world over the last four months, which hasn’t helped with the issues of motivation and burnout that I’ve talked about before on the site. If I’m completely honest with you all, I just haven’t wanted to write recently? Normally, I’m a very creative person. I love to build worlds and weave stories from nowhere, to sketch out goofy comics and play music. A lot of that has been sapped out of me during these trying months. What remains has to be rationed out carefully, so that the things that I hold dear don’t wither away to nothing.

The majority of my limited creativity has been laser focused on my D&D sessions with friends; in building elaborate backstories and complex plots for my characters and worlds. If I had to analyse the breakdown of my time over the last four months, I can say with certainty that outside of eating, sleeping and doing my job, I dedicate my time to escapism. Be that watching videos, binging new series, reading, playing D&D, playing Among Us or laughing at my kittens antics – I have preferred to avoid dwelling on my own mental health for too long. I’m well aware that it isn’t the healthiest approach to the world but at the moment, it’s all I can really work up the effort to achieve.

This is the sixth article I’ve tried to write over the last few months. The only thing I’ve been able to keep up with is editing together my D&D campaign episodes, which we do in podcast form. That’s what those Dungeons and Junkiez posts are all about! Yet, when it comes to writing, I keep starting pieces on games that I’ve been enjoying and rarely get past the opening sentence. Fun fact, I’m actually writing this in my web browser rather than in my usual Word Document. That’s the danger of losing motivation, it builds the association between your negative mindset and the activities that you are taking part in at the time. Part of me is scared that I won’t be able to write a proper article again, even though I know that is a bunch of rubbish my brain came up with.

Going into 2021, my main thought as I sat on my sofa, in my place, alone, on New Years Eve – a kitten on each leg, was that I didn’t want to fail you all. I know, I know, I could never fail you. Your support has always been unwavering, kind, generous, heartfelt and encouraging, no matter what I’ve produced. You are all the reason that my EGX panel even happened. I would never have taken that chance if it wasn’t for the community that stands behind me and cheers me on. MindGames wouldn’t have made it through the shitshow that was 2020 without you all. I’ve had so many dips this year, some of them deep enough that I wasn’t sure I could climb back up. Our choices mould who we become and I know that I’ve become a better person because of this site, because of this community, because you all manage to find something meaningful in my ramblings.

Right now, I’m sat at my desk in my makeshift office where I work from home. It’s where I’ve worked since I started my job back in August. Despite having good control over my hours, a positive work environment and a boss who is brilliant, I’ve struggled. Heck, I have more free time now than I did this time last year. Even whilst in my final year of university, production managing a show and holding down a part-time teaching job, I still found the time and the excitement to sit down and write about gaming and mental health for you all. Now, with all these free evenings, I struggle to cook dinner for myself. It’s weird. Depression’s a bitch.

I’m well aware that this piece doesn’t make much sense, I’m really just speaking from the heart of what’s been going on in my life for the last few months. I think the global pandemic has fucked with a lot of our mental states, which is something we need to accept. It’s ok that you’re not doing well. It’s ok that you’re anxious, that you’re afraid or you’re angry. We’ll get through this. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.

I’ll be back with a proper piece by the end of the month. I promise you all 🙂

CaitlinRC

EGX 2019 – Too many games, too little time

Posted on by in Gaming, Real Life

If anyone had told me six months ago, when I published my first article on the site, that I’d be attending EGX in London with a press pass – I’d probably have fallen over in a weird combination of anxiety and disbelief. Throughout our lives, we have always had it hammered into our heads that we are representatives of our schools, of our clubs, of our generation. If we misbehave or act out, it is deemed a black mark against that group, rather than just against the offender. So, stepping into a 4-day gaming convention, with my silver wristband and my notebook, was a tad terrifying. At that moment, I wasn’t just Caitlin who loves to play video games – I was Caitlin, owner of Mind Games. My site, my articles, my online presence and those who support me, all would be judged as a result of my actions. No pressure.

For those roughly curious about how the whole process of a “press pass” works, I’ll give a quick rundown. You fill out a simple form, explaining what site/organisation you represent, what your focus is and why you’d like to talk to the developers at EGX, as well as any potentially statistics or figures that you feel might benefit your application. I was lucky enough to receive a press pass, which is essentially a “super-pass” – giving access to all four days of the convention and the chance to organise meetings with various developers to talk about their games! The pass itself is given as a free ticket, which as a student I was incredibly grateful for!

Dramatic silver press pass is dramatic

Up until last week, the biggest convention I had been to on my own, was Rezzed, the sister convention of EGX, held in the Tobacco Dock. This smaller location worked well for me, reducing my feelings of anxiety caused by large groups of strangers. If needed, the exit was relatively easy to find, and some areas were a lot quieter than others. I have nothing but fond memories of Rezzed and if my studies allow it, I’ll be there in March. EGX, however, is held in the ExCel Centre. It’s so much bigger, with over 80,000 attendees at the convention each year, more than 250 games available to try out and countless exhibitors eager to show off their work.

For someone with mental health issues, a convention can be our worst nightmare. No matter how much preparation you do, it can’t truly prepare you for the chaotic environment of a convention hall, filled with thousands of excited game fans all chatting about different things. As someone who gets easily overwhelmed, it’s the main part of the experience that I dread. Especially on the busier days, you can go from enjoying yourself immensely, to trying desperately to find somewhere quiet enough that you can calm yourself down in peace. It’s kind of eerie really, feeling so isolated and overwhelmed, whilst being surrounded by thousands of likeminded people.

PRESS TO HONK!

Thankfully, conventions have cottoned on to this and have begun to provide quiet zones, safe spaces and accessibility options so that everyone can enjoy themselves, not just the most outgoing individuals. This is key, especially in industries like gaming, where a lot of individuals use the media as a form of escapism. Playing games is a coping mechanism for many, so tainting that experience for someone with a bad day at a convention, is something that all convention runners should avoid like the plague. A good example of this is the charity CheckPoint, who provide mental health resources for gamers and quiet zones at conventions, where you can go to decompress, calm yourself down and chat to someone if you wish to.

I don’t think there is anything that can truly prepare you for a convention. It’s a completely unique atmosphere, that you don’t find anywhere else. Heck, the atmosphere changes from year to year! Part of that, I believe, is due to the ever-changing nature of the gaming industry. As much as there are the few specific gaming companies that seem to have existed to the dawn of time and will outlast us all, these events are about trying new things. Be that a new piece of hardware, a new instalment in a long-running series or dipping your toe into a genre that you’ve never tried before, there is something for everyone. For example, I spent most of my time flitting between the indie games section and the board games area, as those were the two main bits that I cared about – both as a gamer and for any press meetings I had. Meanwhile a couple of my friends, made a beeline for the Doom Eternal area, as they were very keen to punch some demons in the face.

Convention too busy? Play some board games 😀

The highlight of the convention for me, was getting to chat to the developers of the games that were available to play. I think something that a lot of us forget, is that there are so many talented and unique individuals behind the games we take such joy in. Each of these creators has walked their own path in life to get to that moment, faced their demons and tackled events that none of us will really understand. They pour all those experiences into their creations, so being able to talk to them in depth about their work and their lives, gives you just an inkling of their potential as creators in the gaming industry.

Although I’ll go into more detail about the conversations I had whilst at EGX in other articles, I wanted to say something that floored me. Every person I spoke to, whether they had their own mental health issues or not, completely agreed that video games and mental health had a strong link. From escapism, to tackling delicate issues with care, each member of a development team has a duty to ensure that their game will make a positive impact on their audience members. From accessibility options for the colour blind, to telling a story about loss through symbolism, each decision made in the process of designing a game is key. It’s about building a community with your players.

This was too comfy a spot not to take a photo in – at the PHOGS stand 🙂

This idea of community also extends to the convention, since these events can be a massive boost to those looking for likeminded people to talk about their love of gaming with. I speak from experience, that conventions are a massive opportunity to meet those online friends that you’ve been chatting with for months and just mess around together as if you’ve known one another for years. From someone killing your character in space by stealing their oxygen, to working together to combat a horde of monsters, these events foster a sense of companionship and loyalty to one another, even if you’ve only been talking to someone for a few minutes.

If you can afford to go to these kinds of events, do it. Don’t let fear or anxiety stop you because the friends you make, the experiences you will have and the joyful memories will stay with you forever, whilst those negative thoughts will be gone before you know it. Some of my best memories of the last decade are from conventions and the amazing friends that I have made through the gaming community. We all deserve happiness and who knows, maybe through a convention like EGX, you’ll find yours.

Till next time,

CaitlinRC.