Tag: the mind game

Horror Games – Eternal Screaming

Posted on by in Gaming, Real Life

I’ve never been good with horror. My brain has a habit of taking a titbit of information about blowing it way out of proportion in a cinematic-style nightmare that Alfred Hitchcock would be proud of. So, I haven’t played many horror games. Often, I start a game and painstakingly make my way through the first few levels or areas, with my heart being in my mouth and my hands clenching so much that I’m surprised that there are dents in my controllers from where my fingers were. Then, I experience a horrifying jumpscare or an unavoidable fight with a monstrosity that urges me to turn off my console faster than a power cut.

For example, I’m trying to finish PREY, as I have a good idea for an article on it and I am enjoying the storyline immensely. I’m just having to recover between sessions, as my body needs time to rest after crawling along the corridors, praying that the Phantom’s don’t see me because my lungs can’t last much longer without oxygen. I’ll get there eventually. In like a decade. Or six.

GET THEE BACK PHANTOM DEMON

Curiously, I enjoy watching playthroughs of horror games. My housemates have grown used to me being sat in the living room, occasionally jumping at a jumpscare that they can’t see. Then again, I’ve walked into a housemate lying face down on the sofa, making an odd high-pitched noise, so I guess we’re all a bit weird here. Quite a few of my friends are naturally anxious, paranoid and easily scared, yet are obsessed with the genre that should be their worst nightmare.

In human psychology, our fight-or-flight response is triggered during dangerous events or moments of extreme fear. Yet, we keep playing the games. We keep going back to the jumpscares and the dark corridors with unfathomable horrors hiding in every corner of it. So, why does the horror genre have such success when it seemingly goes against human nature?

Still remarkably terrifying to this day.

This idea of actively seeking danger can be seen in many aspects of our lives – such as the existence of rollercoasters, bungee jumping and extreme sports. As a species, we seem to seek out dangerous situations rather than avoiding them as our instincts and ancestors scream for us to do. It’s an interesting conundrum to be sure, as well as a popular research topic in psychological studies. Fear is one of the most fundamental parts of what makes us human, so we strive to understand and harness it in any way possible. The gaming industry agrees with this practise and actively builds upon it.

We’ve talked before about horror games and the sense of isolation, anxiety and fear they can put upon their players – in our Alien Isolation piece. However, I wanted to talk a bit more generally about the genre as sometimes being able to step back allows us to gain a greater understanding of a situation. The big picture, so to speak. The big, horrible, terrifying, grotesque picture. Seriously, are the art departments at gaming companies ok? Some of the monsters in games nowadays are regular stars in my nightmares, so naturally I’m worried about the designers who thought up the unimaginable horrors.

Although I love watching others play Outlast, I will NEVER play it myself.

When it comes down to it, I think the horror genre has such success because it provides us with a sense of control that we often lose in the real world. In a scary situation you can’t just hit the pause button until you regain your composure. You must grit your teeth and fight on through, even though every part of you just wants to curl up somewhere quiet and escape it for a while. With horror games you can try to overcome those fears with no real fear of failure. Sure, sometimes you’ll struggle to complete a game but there’s no shame in giving up on it, after all – it’s only a video game.

This idea of control can also be tied to our sense of achievement. When it comes to things like mental health conditions, phobias and other disabilities, there never really is an end point to the battle. No credits roll, no emotional cutscene plays and no satisfying conclusion tries to tie all the loose ends together for you. You’ve merely managed to leap over one hurdle on a racetrack filled with more and more challenges for you to face. Sometimes you fall but instead of respawning at a save point, that pain stays with you – you learn to live with it, to take what lessons you can from it and to avoid it in future.

I don’t think I’ll ever recover from finding the baby in the bathroom. THIS IS NOT A HYGEINIC SLEEPING PLACE BABY.

Yet in video games, when those credits roll or that achievement pops – you feel you’ve accomplished something. The relief and sense of pride that floods your emotions after finishing a terrifying horror game is such a unique experience that it’s hard to really put into words. Whether you made it one level or collected every collectible in the game, you completed something that every rational part of human psychology would want you to run away from. That’s something to be proud of.

To all you horror gamers out there, I salute your bravery. However, I’m going to go back to hiding under my fluffy blanket and hurling my controller across the room at the slightest spook.

Till next time,

CaitlinRC.

Peek Into My Mind:

Posted on by in Real Life

I’m sat writing this on one of the sofa’s in my living room. One of my housemates is cooking, another is sat watching The Sidemen fail at answering general knowledge questions whilst the final two are away at an event for the evening. The last two weeks have been very up and down regarding my mental health, with my schedule not really allowing for any down time to recharge properly. If I’m honest with you all, and I always strive to be honest, I’ve reached a limit. Burnout is a common thing, especially for those with mental health issues. Considering how busy I’ve been with university, my part time job and all my additional commitments – it’s a miracle that it hadn’t happened sooner.

The thing is, I haven’t lost my inspiration to write, edit videos or draw. In fact, it’s the other way around. As I’m writing this, I’ve got a rough plan for an art project, several videos that I’m in the process of editing and a tonne of article ideas. The inspiration and motivation are there, I just don’t have the energy for it. When I do have the energy, I get hit with the guilt. The guilt that I am avoiding doing my university work, that I’m not finishing coursework or revising for exams. It’s always there, sitting on my shoulder – reminding me that every moment that I’m not focusing on university or finding a graduate position, is wasting time.

A lot of you can relate to this because it’s a big part of the negative cycle that those with depression and anxiety suffer from. When you feel that guilt, it stresses you out because those deadlines seem to loom over you, even if they’re months away. That stress leads to anxiety over failing or disappointing those around you, which leads to even more self-loathing and doubt. When you’re in that kind of mental state, you can’t get any work done – causing guilt and starting the cycle anew. It’s toxic. It’s hard to break out of. After all, how can you form a plan of attack when that demon in your head can hear every thought you’re having?

A few weeks ago, we talked about why I started Mind Games. Obviously, mental health is such an important topic, now more than ever. Children are having panic attacks over schoolwork, students having to drop out of university due to suicidal thoughts, loneliness consuming the older population – these are all problems that we are facing, day in and day out. For those of you who have never had an anxiety attack, let me give a bit of context. You genuinely feel like you are dying. Your heart races, you struggle to draw in oxygen, and everything seems to be crashing down around you. It’s terrifying. Even now, when I know exactly what to expect from one, it still catches me off guard and stays with me for hours after the event.

Even now, the diagnosis of a mental health condition is categorised as a weakness by many. They think that because you hear voices, have panic attacks or struggle to get out of bed in the morning, means they can look down on you as a “less worthy” person. That couldn’t be further from the truth and it always infuriates me when people talk about mental health as a “problem” that we need to eradicate. Being able to live each day of your life, with those demons hanging on your shoulder – is a testament to the sheer inner strength and determination of every one of us. A bad day isn’t a failure, it’s merely a reset. You can always try again.

Trying to explain my mental health is probably one of the hardest things that I’ve done. Not because it’s challenging or dramatic but because I barely understand it myself. You can’t put it into words because it is so deeply personal. My mental health is a result of my experiences, my reactions, my loved ones and lost ones. So, making a site focused around something so personal, means that sometimes that I need to let you all peek behind the curtain a bit. I’m open about my mental health issues and my state of mind but obviously I don’t share everything with you all, a girl has got to have some secrets after all.

When people describe mental health as a constant fight or a never-ending battle, they aren’t exaggerating. It’s an endless crusade against an enemy that reinvents itself and can change its strategy at any point. You never know where you are safe. It could pop out in the middle of the unknown or under your bed at night – it’s always somehow right behind you and round the next corner at the same time. I’ve been in a relatively good place mentally for the last few months. However, if I compared that state of mind to someone who doesn’t experience mental health issues, they’d probably want to book me a doctor’s appointment on the spot. I haven’t won the battle. I probably never will.

However, I haven’t lost. I’m still here, writing these articles and listening to all your amazing stories. To me, that’s a victory. Although this little community we have built may not seem anything major, to me it’s worth more than anything. Each day that you wake up and go “I’m still here”, is a monumental achievement.

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but I’ll say it.

I’m proud of you. I always will be.

Back to rambling about games next time, I promise.

– CaitlinRC

EGX 2019 – Too many games, too little time

Posted on by in Gaming, Real Life

If anyone had told me six months ago, when I published my first article on the site, that I’d be attending EGX in London with a press pass – I’d probably have fallen over in a weird combination of anxiety and disbelief. Throughout our lives, we have always had it hammered into our heads that we are representatives of our schools, of our clubs, of our generation. If we misbehave or act out, it is deemed a black mark against that group, rather than just against the offender. So, stepping into a 4-day gaming convention, with my silver wristband and my notebook, was a tad terrifying. At that moment, I wasn’t just Caitlin who loves to play video games – I was Caitlin, owner of Mind Games. My site, my articles, my online presence and those who support me, all would be judged as a result of my actions. No pressure.

For those roughly curious about how the whole process of a “press pass” works, I’ll give a quick rundown. You fill out a simple form, explaining what site/organisation you represent, what your focus is and why you’d like to talk to the developers at EGX, as well as any potentially statistics or figures that you feel might benefit your application. I was lucky enough to receive a press pass, which is essentially a “super-pass” – giving access to all four days of the convention and the chance to organise meetings with various developers to talk about their games! The pass itself is given as a free ticket, which as a student I was incredibly grateful for!

Dramatic silver press pass is dramatic

Up until last week, the biggest convention I had been to on my own, was Rezzed, the sister convention of EGX, held in the Tobacco Dock. This smaller location worked well for me, reducing my feelings of anxiety caused by large groups of strangers. If needed, the exit was relatively easy to find, and some areas were a lot quieter than others. I have nothing but fond memories of Rezzed and if my studies allow it, I’ll be there in March. EGX, however, is held in the ExCel Centre. It’s so much bigger, with over 80,000 attendees at the convention each year, more than 250 games available to try out and countless exhibitors eager to show off their work.

For someone with mental health issues, a convention can be our worst nightmare. No matter how much preparation you do, it can’t truly prepare you for the chaotic environment of a convention hall, filled with thousands of excited game fans all chatting about different things. As someone who gets easily overwhelmed, it’s the main part of the experience that I dread. Especially on the busier days, you can go from enjoying yourself immensely, to trying desperately to find somewhere quiet enough that you can calm yourself down in peace. It’s kind of eerie really, feeling so isolated and overwhelmed, whilst being surrounded by thousands of likeminded people.

PRESS TO HONK!

Thankfully, conventions have cottoned on to this and have begun to provide quiet zones, safe spaces and accessibility options so that everyone can enjoy themselves, not just the most outgoing individuals. This is key, especially in industries like gaming, where a lot of individuals use the media as a form of escapism. Playing games is a coping mechanism for many, so tainting that experience for someone with a bad day at a convention, is something that all convention runners should avoid like the plague. A good example of this is the charity CheckPoint, who provide mental health resources for gamers and quiet zones at conventions, where you can go to decompress, calm yourself down and chat to someone if you wish to.

I don’t think there is anything that can truly prepare you for a convention. It’s a completely unique atmosphere, that you don’t find anywhere else. Heck, the atmosphere changes from year to year! Part of that, I believe, is due to the ever-changing nature of the gaming industry. As much as there are the few specific gaming companies that seem to have existed to the dawn of time and will outlast us all, these events are about trying new things. Be that a new piece of hardware, a new instalment in a long-running series or dipping your toe into a genre that you’ve never tried before, there is something for everyone. For example, I spent most of my time flitting between the indie games section and the board games area, as those were the two main bits that I cared about – both as a gamer and for any press meetings I had. Meanwhile a couple of my friends, made a beeline for the Doom Eternal area, as they were very keen to punch some demons in the face.

Convention too busy? Play some board games 😀

The highlight of the convention for me, was getting to chat to the developers of the games that were available to play. I think something that a lot of us forget, is that there are so many talented and unique individuals behind the games we take such joy in. Each of these creators has walked their own path in life to get to that moment, faced their demons and tackled events that none of us will really understand. They pour all those experiences into their creations, so being able to talk to them in depth about their work and their lives, gives you just an inkling of their potential as creators in the gaming industry.

Although I’ll go into more detail about the conversations I had whilst at EGX in other articles, I wanted to say something that floored me. Every person I spoke to, whether they had their own mental health issues or not, completely agreed that video games and mental health had a strong link. From escapism, to tackling delicate issues with care, each member of a development team has a duty to ensure that their game will make a positive impact on their audience members. From accessibility options for the colour blind, to telling a story about loss through symbolism, each decision made in the process of designing a game is key. It’s about building a community with your players.

This was too comfy a spot not to take a photo in – at the PHOGS stand 🙂

This idea of community also extends to the convention, since these events can be a massive boost to those looking for likeminded people to talk about their love of gaming with. I speak from experience, that conventions are a massive opportunity to meet those online friends that you’ve been chatting with for months and just mess around together as if you’ve known one another for years. From someone killing your character in space by stealing their oxygen, to working together to combat a horde of monsters, these events foster a sense of companionship and loyalty to one another, even if you’ve only been talking to someone for a few minutes.

If you can afford to go to these kinds of events, do it. Don’t let fear or anxiety stop you because the friends you make, the experiences you will have and the joyful memories will stay with you forever, whilst those negative thoughts will be gone before you know it. Some of my best memories of the last decade are from conventions and the amazing friends that I have made through the gaming community. We all deserve happiness and who knows, maybe through a convention like EGX, you’ll find yours.

Till next time,

CaitlinRC.

Untitled Goose Game – My Cousin Is Afraid of Geese and Now I Know Why:

Posted on by in Gaming

I’ve never been a fan of geese. Then again, I don’t think anyone on the planet is particularly fond of them. They are known as the douchebags of the avian world, with their terrifying spiky tongues and tendency to harass anyone that even glances at them. Thankfully, I’ve only really been chased by geese rather than outright attacked but both my cousin and my sister have felt the sharp nip of their beaks. When we were all younger, we used to go feed the ducks and play by the riverside. Every so often we’d see a swan glide past or a group of geese honking at one another. Whilst feeding a duck some seeds, a goose snuck up on my cousin and started honking aggressively, flapping its wings and hissing like the big jerk it was. Being a six-year-old at the time, my cousin burst into tears and froze on the spot, triggering the goose to bite her and cause her to drop her little bag of seeds. My aunt chased it off, but my cousin still hates geese to this day and she’s twenty-two!

Although utter jerks, geese are a part of nature and I get a great sense of peace from watching the birds on the canals near where I live. It’s a calming moment amongst some of the darker times that the real world likes to burden us with. Video games seem to follow this trend recently, with a lot of recent releases being rather gritty, hard-hitting games that reveal some of the darker features of human nature. Games strive to show us a part of ourselves that we refuse to admit is there, highlighting important issues and teaching us lessons that can’t always be taught in school. However, considering how dark the real world can get sometimes, turning to a video game that is just as dark, can seem a tad depressing. Which is why silly games like Mount Your Friends or Quiplash are so important in bringing joy back to our lives. One game that takes this concept and runs headlong into the village with it, is the Untitled Goose Game.

Time to listen to BBC Radio HONK!

If you’ve been hiding in a cave without an internet connection, then I’ll quickly explain the premise of the game in the words of the developers – “It’s a lovely morning in the village, and you are a horrible goose.” As the goose, who I have lovingly named Flerken (thumbs up if you get that reference), your job is to roam around the village causing all sorts of chaos. From stealing the gardener’s rake and throwing it into the lake, locking the shopkeeper in the garage, stealing a man’s shoes off his feet and making another trip over, there’s no end to the potential hilarity of this game.

At its core, it’s a puzzle game. To progress, you must complete a series of tasks on your to-do list in order to unlock the next area. Some tasks require a bit more planning than others but no matter what task you complete, you get a great deal of satisfaction when that item gets crossed off your list. I think House House, the developers behind the game, have managed to create a game that brings childlike delight to all who play it, as well as providing a series of complex tasks that feed into the concept of reward motivation. Whether that reward is progressing the game, getting to see the hilarious consequences of your actions or simply the pleasure of crossing an item off your list, House House encourages it’s players to keep trying – after all, when we know there’s a reward at the end, we are more determined to get there.

Don’t hire the goose as a waiter, he has a fowl mouth.

There are two things that I feel we as humans should do on a regular basis. The first is to cry – just sob and let all your emotions pour out of you. We can’t hold it all in forever, eventually, we will explode, and I’d rather explode in the private of my own home rather than lashing out at those I love by accident. The other is to laugh. Not to snigger or laugh politely at a bad joke, but a proper laugh. One that shakes your shoulders and leaves you gasping for air, where your stomach aches and your cheeks hurt from smiling. When you laugh like that, it leaves a grin on your face for the rest of the day and makes everything seem that bit lighter. Running around as a goose, annoying people and honking like a maniac manage to bring me those moments of laughter.

It’s a game that appeals to the troublemaker in each of us. Growing up, we are told not to cause trouble as it upsets and frustrates those around us but a little part of us finds it funny. House House taps into this vein of mischief with a charming little game that apparently started as a joke that snowballed into a gaming phenomenon that even the most cynical of people can crack a smile at. Even in games where you are given the choice to act like a jerk, we often choose to be kind because most of us inherently want to be good people. So, a game that is based around being a gigantic jerk to the various humans and causing as much chaos as possible to this sleepy little village, is a delightful time for the devils that sit on our shoulders.

FEAR ME TIMMY! I AM THE GOOSE!

There’s an incredible amount of detail that has gone into this game, with each “level” providing you with more opportunities to wreak havoc than you could ever imagine. The villagers wandering around the level all respond to the goose differently, some actively encouraging you and others chasing you away with a broom, so you have to adapt your approach to solving each objective dependent on whether you’re going to be chased after by a big burly man. Little thought bubbles pop up above the villager’s heads in response to various events, such as what they are going to do next or what item has magically disappeared from the garden and ended up in the lake (it wasn’t me I swear), which provide good clues to the player for those slightly trickier objectives.

From replayability to speedrunning, the game has a great deal of potential for sticking around as a darling indie games that are beloved by all. Undertale, Super Meat Boy, Cuphead and The Stanley Parable are all examples of this, and I hope more than anything that this delightful chaos causing goose becomes a staple in the gaming community for decades to come. Its art style won’t have to worry about graphical updates making it look bad in comparison, and what’s not to love about being a goose? HONK! I can agree, that this game was definitely worth the wait and although I’ve already finished all the objectives and claimed my little goose crown, I will be replaying it time and time again, for that sense of pure joy that it provides even when my mental health decides that it’s time to suffer. HONK HONK!

Well, well, well, what do we have here.

Anyways, depending on how much free time I get this week, I’m going to try and finish off Prey and write about it! The mimics will probably be the focus of the article as the concept of things not being what they appear is a big problem that those with mental health issues have to combat in everyday life. Until then, like, leave a comment and follow the site, plus my Twitter to keep up to date with everything @OurMindGames!

Till next time,

CaitlinRC.

Pokémon Ranger – RIP My Touchscreen:

Posted on by in Gaming

The first Nintendo game that I ever played, was, like many kids, a Pokémon game. However, I wasn’t playing a ten-year-old child out traveling the world and making creatures fight one another. I was a Ranger, out protecting the people and Pokémon of the world I lived in. For those of you who haven’t heard of the Pokémon Ranger series, first off, you are missing out. This game series is great fun and really puts the focus on getting to know the world around you and helping the people in it.

Instead of training Pokémon, you “capture” them which is essentially a minigame in which you draw circles around the creature in question to calm it down. Once calm, it’ll happily help you with a task before heading back out into the wild, unharmed and happy. Different Pokémon can help you with different tasks such as helping you up cliffs, cutting down trees and powering various electrical switches.

As you start the game, you proceed through the usual menus of picking your name, gender, and appearance, etc. However, the only Pokémon you will have by your side throughout the entire game is either a Minun or a Plusle, aka the cutest little beings ever and if anyone ever hurts them, I’ll destroy the entire universe. After a quick tutorial on how to “capture” Pokémon, your character is made a fully-fledged Ranger and you fly off to the base to receive your first mission. The game’s story is split up into a series of missions that have you traveling around the region helping citizens and rescuing as many Pokémon as you can.

LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY ARE. LOOK AT THEM.

I know this will sound cheesy, but the Ranger series is really all about the power of friendship. It strips back everything you know about the Pokémon franchise, taking away all the TM’s and advanced tactics that seem so common in the main series, leaving you with a single tool at your disposal. Most of your missions involve an injured, panicked or scared Pokemon putting themselves or others in danger. With the help of those around you, you can bring peace and resolve the situation. The more missions you complete, the more missions open to you and the more challenging Pokemon you can tame. The “enemies” in the game are the goofiest possible, the Go-Rock Squad. They are basically a group of evil musicians that wander around angering the Pokemon with their… unique methods.

The Ranger series is a trilogy of games, mostly sticking to the tried and trusted formulae. The stories all follow a Ranger trying to protect the people and Pokemon of their homeland and immerse you in the world. You don’t feel like a passing stranger in the Ranger games, wherever you go people recognize your character like a Ranger and will happily chat with you, even asking you to help with their own problems in later games through side quests. By removing the battling system completely, the game’s focus on its story and character really flourishes and I highly recommend the series, alongside the Mystery Dungeon games which have some twists in there that shocked little Caitlin to their core.

There is an element of “catching them all” for the completionist like myself but instead of having 200 Pokemon in a computer, you have a “Fiore Browser”, which lists acts like the Pokedex from the main series but instead of listing statistics and natures, it tells you how the Pokemon can assist you during captures e.g. slowing down the target, making your capture more effective, etc, and what their “Field Move” is – such as cutting down a tree.

These guys are extra, with a capital E.

In the first game alone, there are 213 different Pokemon to encounter and capture, with enough variety in the process for you not to get bored. You can have a few Pokemon in your party at once and utilize their abilities to help you on your missions, never willingly putting any Pokemon or person in harm’s way, in comparison to the ridiculously violent 10-year olds. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Although you can only have one “partner” Pokemon at a time in the games, you do get a Pichu playing the Ukulele as your partner in the third game so… best game series of all time, everyone goes home and stop trying, you can’t beat perfection.

Anyways, that’s all I really had to say about the Pokemon Ranger games. My good friend (spacelady who made our fantastic logo), reminded me of how much I love this series so here we are. Apologies that it’s shorter than usual, it’s the last week of my placement so everything is a little bit all over the place.

As always, like, comment and follow the site both here and on Twitter – @OurMindGames. I recently got accepted for a press pass to EGX in October so I can’t wait to bring you all amazing content from the convention!

Thanks,

CaitlinRC.