Tag: loneliness

Firewatch – Too many fires, too little time.

Posted on by in Gaming

A few years ago, an indie game called Firewatch was released to the admiration of many people online – including the YouTube gaming community. You couldn’t really take two steps without stumbling across it but somehow, I managed to avoid it. Not that I wasn’t interested, it looked like a game that was right up my alley, but I didn’t want to spoil it for myself by watching someone else play it. Yet in typical gaming tradition, it sat on the pile of games that I wanted to play but never got around to, until about this time last year, where I live-streamed it as a change of content from my usual art streams.

If you’re interested in seeing some of my reactions to the game, I made a little compilation video of some funny moments including me going “mhmm sensual paint” (it makes sense in context I swear… kind of.) You can watch that here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1KbsP7QL8E . Firewatch is the kind of game you should experience yourself rather than watching a playthrough. It’s one of those games that tells a story that we all can interpret in different ways and I’m going to talk mainly about how the various events in the game affected me, so if you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t keep reading.

So, for those of you who are still here, let me at least explain what on earth this game is about. Firewatch is at its core, a story-driven walking simulator. You play as Henry, who has taken the job as a lookout in one of many fire towers in one of America’s national parks. He is to spend the entire summer looking out for fires, stopping people from setting off fireworks (darn teens) and generally just wandering through nature and hopefully not dying of boredom. The only person you really interact with is Delilah, your supervisor who speaks to you over the radio. You never meet her, but she is the one other voice you really grow to love throughout the game, which is one of many reasons her voice actress won an award CAUSE SHE’S BRILLIANT OK.

I cannot emphasise how beautiful this game is.

From the moment you start the game, Firewatch throws emotional turmoil at you. You constantly switch between Henry travelling to the watchtower and a series of screens telling stories from Henry and his wife Julia’s relationship – from their first meeting in a bar, to them getting a dog together and eventually, Julia is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and ends up being taken to be cared for by her family in Australia, whilst Henry stays behind. Even though it’s only a small section of the game, it’s more than enough for you to get invested in their relationship and gain an insight into why Henry has taken this job in the middle of nowhere. He doesn’t know how to cope; he needs time to process the events that have unfolded and how he might move forward. It’s something we can all relate to.

Speaking from personal experience, I think having to watch someone you love in pain is one of the worst things you can ever experience. Sure, when bad things happen to you it can weigh on you for the rest of your life, but you feel a sense of control over how you deal with it in the days that follow. Meanwhile, the sheer helplessness that consumes you when you are forced to just sit and watch those you care about suffer, cuts you to your very core. You want to help, to fight back but it’s beyond what limited powers you have and I think Firewatch touches quite well on this subject – by leaving titbits of information about Henry’s relationship with his wife, how he’s processing it all and what he might do after the summer ends.

Now, last week we talked about Alien Isolation and the profound impact that loneliness can have upon you, especially when you are in a stressful situation. With Firewatch, you instantly become attached to Delilah and her relationship with the player, as it’s the only real source of human contact you get throughout the course of the game. Apart from brief interactions with some no-good teenagers and reading the various letters sent between two of the park’s rangers, you only ever come across traces of other people. You grow to care for Delilah, quietly hoping that you’ll be able to meet her in person before the game ends. Everything you go through throughout the game’s story, she is right there by your side, giving her opinion and providing crucial context to what Henry uncovers.

Delilah, like you, wants to know what the only other person she can speak to, looks like. Because then it feels real.

One thing that Firewatch and well-produced horror games have in common, is how they build suspense and paranoia throughout their gameplay. Firewatch leans more on the paranoia aspect, as you slowly realise that it isn’t just hikers and campers in the woods around you. Someone is watching you, listening to your conversations and outright knocking you unconscious when you find the information you weren’t meant to see. An incredible example of this is when you are walking back to your tower at night, talking over the events of the day with Delilah when she casually says:

“Oh well, you’re back in your tower, I guess you need a drink too.”

At this point in the game, I was trying to find my way back and was making my way towards my tower, quietly considering the story implications of the events I had just experienced. My heart stopped momentarily in my chest when I realised, there was someone in my tower. Whether they were lying in wait to ambush me or leaving a threatening note next to my pet turtle, I had no idea. All I knew is that they were there, and I was not. (Side note, if they’d hurt Turt Reynolds I’d have burned down the entire place myself).

Throughout the game, you get to choose how you respond to Delilah over the radio. You can choose to be an ass and not respond at all if you want but anyone who does that is a monster and I’M COMING FOR YOU. This element of choice is there to help you build that relationship and to involve you more in the story, so that you are actually affected by the various events that unfold in the game, rather than just reacting by going “oh well, moving on”. This game is meant to impact you, everything from the art style to the voice acting and the soundtrack is built to involve you in this world and make you care about what is happening to it.

Cissy Jones, who plays Delilah, deserves so much credit. The game wouldn’t be the same without her.

One aspect of Firewatch you really don’t expect is your discovery in the ravine. Sure, the creepy person listening to you over the radio and throwing your typewriter out the window is a tad unexpected, but it isn’t entirely out of the blue. When you’re alone in an unfamiliar place, we all think that we are being watched or listened to. That paranoid part of our brain is screaming, considering the worst when in fact it’s probably just a squirrel. For games that have this central tension and suspense, you don’t expect them to do emotional impact well but oh boy does Firewatch punch you in the heart and brings tears to your eyes.

During your various treks through the wilderness, you occasionally come across various traces of a father and his son who used to live in the tower you now inhabit. They left after a short period of time, but Delilah got quite close to the young boy, Brian, and would lie to her superiors about his presence as children weren’t allowed to stay in the lookout towers. You find an abandoned backpack attached to a tree that contains various climbing gear that Brian presumably “lost”, as well as his hideout containing fantasy novels and role-playing games. Eventually, you venture into the ravine using the climbing gear and discover Brian. Or what remains of him.

There at the bottom of the cavern, is Brian’s decomposing body. One of his shoes had landed away from his broken form, which was nearly unrecognisable. At that moment, the music becomes sombre and you just stand there, staring at this little boy whose life was cut short. I realised what had happened the moment I saw the shoe, but I didn’t want to believe it. I stepped forward into the cavern, my eyes searching for what I hoped wouldn’t be there. When I saw him, the only thought in my mind was: “Did he suffer”. My brain saw this little boy, in agony on the cavern floor, clinging to life desperately as it seeped away from his shattered bones.

RIP Brian Goodwin. He deserved better.

You quickly realise that he fell and later discover that Brian’s father Ned has been living in the wilderness ever since his son’s death, hiding from the authorities and as a result, spying on Henry and Delilah. In the tape left to you by Ned, you hear the broken man recount the moments of his son’s death, talking about how Brian’s hook didn’t sink into the rock properly, how he was forced to watch his son fall without being able to help. Part of you wants to feel for him, as a father who lost his son but another part of you can only see that broken little boy in the dark cavern.

As you are airlifted out of the woods and away from the fire that is spreading, you just look at the credits as they roll – showing the pictures of Ned and Brian from their disposable camera, as well as the ones you took on that same roll of film. You don’t see Delilah again, with your final interaction being over the radio in a lookout tower, just like it was at the beginning of the game. A poignant end to a powerful game.

Honestly, I could probably go on about various elements of Firewatch for about a full-fledged novel’s worth of content, but I think what I’ve said in this article sums up the most powerful parts of this game. Grief, loneliness and paranoia are three of the most powerful things that can influence our choices and our memories. No-one is exempt from these feelings, regardless of whether you suffer from a mental health condition or not. You are not immune. So, reach out, there will always be someone there who is willing to listen.

I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I enjoyed writing it. A bit more of a sombre tone compared to last weeks but hey, don’t worry. We’re talking about Mario Odyssey next week and how it’s worldwide journey can bring joy to our lives in ways you wouldn’t expect.

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Till next week,

CaitlinRC

Alien Isolation – In Space, Everyone Hears Me Scream

Posted on by in Gaming

First things first, I’m not good with horror. Be it movies or video games, I prefer to immediately switch it off and go find literally anything else to do. Most of my experience with horror franchises is through watching various lets plays on YouTube, or through hiding behind my friends as they play it. It’s not that I don’t enjoy horror, I love the paths that it can follow and the tropes it can delve into without drifting too far from the norm. For example, my interest in psychology means that games that make use of sanity mechanisms or more subtle horror are fascinating to me, I just struggle to play them all the way through.

Part of this is due to anxiety. Horror games and their tendency to rely on jump scares, does not mix well with a tendency to have a panic attack when I get flooded with too many stimuli. Some people don’t do well with gore or can get too overwhelmed by all the events that are unfolding, meaning that for a lot of people, the horror genre of media is often one they can’t experience properly. Which is a bit sad, since there’s so much talent and enjoyment out there to experience.

Personally, I’ve never played Alien Isolation. Partly because it never really came on my radar of games to play and partly because I’d watched a few clips of others playing it, screamed my head off and had to go calm down in another room. However, one day when I was very unwell and had nothing to do, I was watching YouTube and ended up binging the entirety of Cryaotic’s playthrough of the terrifying extra-terrestrial game. The horrific alien and weird androids aside, the atmosphere and storytelling of the game are astonishing. Sure, there’s a few pacing issues but no matter what section of the game you are in, the constant paranoia and fear of the alien never truly subsides. EVEN IF YOU’RE IN SPACE.

I would not vacation here, nice air ducts and tech facilities but Alien kept eating my friends and family, 1 Star! – Probably Ripley, Trivago.

However, the simplistic nature of this survival horror game is what makes it such a staple of horror. Being based off a popular horror franchise helped massively with its appeal but when even five minutes of gameplay can unsettle you so drastically, you know you’ve done something right. Whether it’s the scrawls on the walls of the space station, the footsteps of the alien as it draws closer to your hiding spot or the constant paranoia that stalks you around the ship, Alien Isolation orchestrates an atmosphere of horror that fills you with a sense of dread that haunts your every move.

The most powerful aspect of this game is in the title. Not the alien, though that thing is horrific. It is isolation. Although you do interact with various people throughout the game, 90% of your time exploring the space station’s various nooks and crannies are spent in solitude. In fact, most of the people you come across are more likely to put a bullet between your eyes than help you open a door. The only person you can trust in those lonesome corridors is yourself. Sometimes you can go nearly twenty minutes without any dialogue or cutscenes, just the player and Ripley, staring into the darkness and praying that nothing is staring back.

It is in these quiet moments where the horror reaches its peak. You are instantly more aware of every creak in the pipes, every panicked breath escaping Ripley’s chest and the lines between reality and the game’s fiction seem to blur. People often talk about how they get sucked into books and games like it’s unfolding right before their eyes and they are just swept along like a leaf in the raging rapids of a river. Sure, jumpscares can be effective in keeping the players on their toes but the fear quickly fades. Meanwhile, with that constant sense of dread and each sound effect sending a shiver down your spine will stay with you long after the dramatic sequence has ended. The best games have a profound impact on you, and I think I speak for many people when I say, I don’t like walking under air ducts anymore (DON’T EAT ME I DON’T TASTE NICE I SWEAR).

I think the Alien needs to see a doctor, that’s not a healthy amount of drool. Or hygienic. GROSS

Humans are inherently social creatures. Even introverts like myself, need company from time to time, especially in distressing situations. Sometimes just letting someone know that they aren’t alone can be the greatest comfort you can give. So, the isolation that the game is so fond of, is probably the most powerful tool it has at its disposal. Sure, the big murderous alien is powerful but like many game mechanics, you can end up being more irritated with it than scared.

The alien is a known quantity. Once you’ve died to it a few times, you understand how it works and what you can do to avoid it. Loneliness and the darkness of the space station, however, are unknowns and this can be far more terrifying. We always talk about the dangers of the unknown, those gaps in our knowledge that could prove catastrophic. Our imagination runs wild with all the possibilities, something those with a mental health condition can understand better than most, as our mind becomes our greatest enemy. All the horrors in the shadows that you envisage, could just be products of your terrified brain, as it struggles to comprehend the events unfolding around it.

The first time you meet the alien, when it’s tail curls towards you and you’re certain it’s the end, is breathtakingly terrifying. The following sections are filled with panicked breathing, praying that it doesn’t see you even though you’re making an obscene amount of noise and sighs of relief when you see a save station. The combination of suspense, fear and paranoia culminates in a heart-stopping sequence that I think anyone who has played the game will remember far too vividly for their liking. This is the best part of Alien Isolation. It is you, in isolation, with an alien. (Wow Caitlin, it’s the title of the game, you’re so witty)

On a scale of 1-10, that’s a big old NOPE NOPE NOPE.

Despite all this marvellous suspense and paranoia that Alien Isolation builds up, it does fall flat in places. Once you’ve built up all this suspense, you need to do something with it. It’s a bit like building a house but instead of stopping once it’s complete, you add a conservatory. Then a pool. Then a third floor. Then a moat and drawbridge. At some point, you need to make use of all that you have been building, otherwise, there was no point in building it in the first place. Alien Isolation has some phenomenal moments of horror and primal fear, but it could’ve had so much more if the game flowed just a bit more smoothly.

Overall, I think Alien Isolation is one of those horror games that proves that it could terrify you with a tin can and some rice if it tried hard enough. You don’t need immense amounts of gore or zombies to traumatise your players, just have them stalked by a murderous, basically invincible creature! I would be excited to sit and play this some time, but I need to find a friend who is brave enough to join me first. I would also have to play it at midday in the sunlight with all the doors and windows locked and probably a bat next to me to protect myself.

Could I get some personal space? Please? NO, I DIDN’T MEAN THROW ME INTO SPACE!

What game would you like me to talk about next? I’m thinking we stick with the theme of isolation and loneliness in games and talk about Firewatch! If you’ve got any suggestions, drop them in the comments, leave a like on this article and follow my site if you want email notifications for whenever I publish a new piece! (Also follow me @OurMindGames on Twitter for all the behind the scenes goodies)

Stay away from air ducts,

CaitlinRC.