MindGames

The world often states that there are only two constants in life – death and taxes. Considering that I’m still alive, much to the disappointment of whoever is pulling the strings of fate, the only constant that I get to enjoy as a fully fledged adult, is taxes. There are more varieties of taxes than types of tea, which to be honest is kind of befuddling to think about.

It’s something I didn’t fully understand until I started my current position, a fresh graduate of university with several part time roles under their belt. Taxes make the world go round after all. They pay for roads, healthcare, lampposts, schools and tonnes more.

Every month, when I receive my paycheck from work, my initial monthly salary is reduced by things like National Insurance, pension funds and student loan repayments. Then once I’ve taken the remaining amount and used it to pay off my essentials like my mortgage, utility bills and things like pet insurance, there’s not a whole lot left.

I’m lucky enough to be earning enough to live my life fairly comfortably, but I am still ever cautious of things like rises in tax rates when the government changes leadership, energy bills ramping up in the colder months and unforseen emergencies cutting into my budget.

So, given the stress that the topic of taxes causes a large majority of the population, you’re probably as surprised as I am to here that there is a game about tax evasion. More specifically, a game about a sentient turnip that hasn’t paid his taxes and now has to run errands for the mayor (who is an onion) in order to get his home back. Yep. I’m serious.

Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion is a gem of a game, that can be beaten in only a few hours but god are those hours memorable. You, play as Turnip Boy, a sentient turnip in a land of sentient animals, flora and fauna, who for whatever reason decided to keep the taxation system that the long dead humans used. Armed with a watering can and a sword made of soil, you have to complete a series of errands for Mayor Onion, in order to get your greenhouse back because you owe a ridiculously high amount of property tax on it. Mayor Onion’s list of demands is odd, requesting things like a fork, a laser pointer and glowing goo that is most definitely radioactive.

It’s a quest driven game – go from point A to point B, solve a problem to gain an item, use that item to enter a previously restricted area, fight a boss and learn where to go next. There’s the usual sidequests – standard stuff like; giving an acorn a deed to own property, fishing a baby carrot out a trash can, murdering a snail that’s late on his rent, you know, just normal video game things.

If you ignore the presence of underground bunkers, mutated humans, mushroom cloud drawings and the literal nuclear device that’s underneath your greenhouse, you wouldn’t think there was anything deeper to this experience. But oh boy is there a lot to notice on a second playthrough.

From the mentions of New York on all the documentation, to the literal air raid sirens hidden in the background music, Turnip Boy has a much darker tale to tell if you are willing to listen. It’s not all goofy meme references and silly gags, there’s an honest to god tale here that weaves in the nuclear destruction of the human race, a mafia formed of these sentient salad ingredients and even a secret ending that requires you to destroy all the official documentation in the game. Who needs accurate records for future reference, when you can tear them up and set things on fire?

Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion is a cutesy, hilarious, tongue in cheek and surprisingly layered experience (much like Mayor Onion), with a gorgeous song that plays over the credit sequence. It’s well worth the investment of an evening and a bit of cash from your pocket. I played it on Switch but it’s available on PC and Xbox, with a potential sequel about robbing a bank in the works as I type this.

Go play it.

Anyways, this was a shorter piece than usual but I’d rather publish short pieces I’m happy with rather than fall into another writer’s block spell by forcing my work to adhere to unreasonable standards of perfection. Self care, who knew it could work such wonders.

For anyone curious, I’m currently editing the opening episode for S2 of my Blades In The Dark campaign with the Dungeons and Junkiez gang, with 6 episodes already banked and ready to be edited. My new Dungeons and Dragons campaign looks to start in the new year, a good way to celebrate the one year anniversary of Dice and Suffering if I do say so myself.

As always, take care of yourselves and those you love.

CaitlinRC.