Happy Birthday To MindGames!

Posted on by in Real Life

We’re one year old! How time flies.

So, it’s been a year since I published my first article on the site. We’ve come so far since then. I got to talk to some amazing developers as a press member at EGX, I met some of you guys, we have over 1,800 views and nearly 1000 unique visitors. 50 articles, dozens of comments and a small dent made into the stigma surrounding mental health in the gaming community.

Thank you all for your support. It means the world to me that I get to do this every week. So to say thank you, I reached out for some questions from you guys and well… here are the answers! Stay safe everyone.

…HONK

What is your favourite psychological trope/story in video games? And your least favourite? (@AgtFLAMINGO314)

Surprisingly for a computing student, I’m not a fan of how video games tackle Artificial Intelligence. Gaming as an industry has just beaten the life out of the question “can machines feel?”, to the point where it makes me wince to see it. We get it, you want to stay up to date with technology. But they just don’t understand how it works – it just goes into a revolution story that feels half hearted and forced.

I also hate when games depict those with mental illnesses as “unstable” or “dangerous”. It’s calmed down a lot more recently but there are still the occasional characters in games that make me want to pull my hair out because WE ARE NOT LIKE THAT. Our mental illnesses do not make us any less human and if one more developer turns someone with PTS into a serial killer, I’m going to become one myself. (Yes, I see the irony.)

Favourite trope? When it comes to psychology, I have always been fascinated with the thinking behind mythology. How those stories come to form beliefs and understanding, to create entire communities dedicated to its worship and understanding. Any game that tackles those beliefs, that challenges them and makes them all the stronger from it, is good with me. As it shows how we as a species can grow and adapt, whilst holding on to what makes us unique.

Either that or social psychology. Compliance and conformity especially, hence why one of the games series I have a soft spot for is the Orwell games. Dystopian future or not, the power of social influence cannot be denied.

We may not know whether it all exists, but it’s damn interesting.

Other than games, what do you find most helpful when relaxing? I.e. books, films or music etc, and any favourites? (@Ode_Ollie)

Often, what I do whilst relaxing will vary dependent on what kind of mood I’m in. Mostly, I tend to do various tasks that involve using my hands. Be that building LEGO, drawing, writing something or even cleaning, I like to physically do something and be able to see the results.

The rest of the time, music is a big relaxation tool for me. If I’m at home, then I grab my guitar and try strumming along to whatever I’m listening to. Otherwise, I have set playlists built up. Be it drowning out the negative thoughts, reliving warm memories associated with specific tunes or just allowing myself to think over the actions of the day, my noise cancelling headphones have become a major support mechanism to me.

Plus, reading is my jam. I’m a big book worm. Regardless of mood, a good book is something I can always lose myself in.

Choose Your Own Adventure Books are still great.

Do you know how many of us, as well as your work, have helped? (@Ode_Ollie)

I will never really be able to comprehend how my work has impacted people, because I barely understand how it has changed my life as it is. However, whether my articles have reached one person or dozens of people, I don’t regret starting the site. Any difference I can make, is worth the effort.

I still adore the logo that @spaceladyart made for us.

1 YEAR W H A T??? (@RupertLitterbin)

I know right? I got an email from WordPress the other day congratulating me on the anniversary of creating my site and nearly dropped my phone on the floor. So much has happened in the 365 days since I published that first piece. I left EGX Rezzed last year, determined to start my own site and to open those channels of communication with my fellow gamers. To see how far I have come, with the amazing support of those around me, is insane. I’m probably in the Matrix. That’d explain it.

Surprised Tom Nook isn’t the bad guy in the Matrix sequels tbh.

How do you deal with crowds of people at events like EGX and other conventions, especially with travelling to and from said events? (@MaxVelocity7)

Anxiety is a major issue when it comes to being able to attend gaming conventions such as EGX and Rezzed. Crowds are always going to be there. On the journey there, during the day itself, on your way home at night, even when you’re hunting for something to eat or queueing for the bathroom! Personally, I’ve never liked crowds anyways, so London isn’t on my list of favourite places to be, especially during the busier times. Heck, I don’t like going out in Cardiff during game day because I know just how insanely hectic it’ll be.

However, I can’t avoid crowds forever no matter how hard I try, so I’ve got my coping mechanisms for dealing with them. Let me lay out some of my techniques for you:

  • Plan The Journey – Know exactly what train you are getting, what time it leaves, what route it takes, what stops you get off at and so on. If you’re getting the Tube, make a note of the line you are taking and what direction it’s going so you can get to your platform without getting lost in the crowd. Put it in a note on your phone, for the way there and the way back, so you have one less thing to worry about.
  • Have Distractions – I have my noise cancelling headphones. As noise is a big anxiety stimulant for me, they act as a barrier between myself and the stressors, as well as being a big indicator to people to LEAVE ME ALONE. Some of my friends have stress balls or putty that they fiddle with. Others have wristbands. Find what makes you feel safe and bring it with you.
  • Quiet Spaces – Thankfully, conventions are getting the message that quiet spaces are needed so those who get overwhelmed can decompress somewhere safe. They are not always marked on the little map they give you, but they tend to be in small tents/past a curtain or doorway, with beanbags and spaces to sit in the quiet. Don’t feel bad if you need to use it. You deserve to enjoy the convention to and if you need time out, take it.
  • Friends – If possible, meet up or go with a friend. One that is aware of your anxiety and can act as your bodyguard from crowds when everything gets too busy. Make sure you define a signal or a phrase that’ll alert your friend if you aren’t okay and don’t feel bad if you can’t cope with everything all the time. They’d much rather have fun with you, than be playing alone. Trust me.
  • Breaks – Giving yourself time out is so important. Conventions are insanely busy, hectic, over-stimulating and anxiety inducing. It’s easier to handle if you take regular, short breaks. Be that getting lunch, a coffee or just sitting down for a bit. Decompress and relax. You deserve it.
The board game sections are always great to sit and relax in.

Favourite piece you’ve written so far? (@Fr0do_Baggins)

Hmm. Favourite piece so far. Considering I’ve written fifty articles now, which is an insane number to say the least, to choose my favourite is easy. It’s got to be the piece I wrote on GRIS, which was my favourite game of 2019 in the end. A short, beautiful experience whose soundtrack can bring me to tears if I’m in a mindset. You lose yourself completely in the experience and experience the protagonist’s journey as your own. There’s a reason why it is also the longest article I’ve written for the site thus far. However, as amazing as the game is, that’s not the reason why it is my favourite article.

GRIS was a journey. A journey of grief, loss and depression. It is one that I am very familiar with and one I think a lot of us will be forced to take during this current crisis. It was especially key to me working through my own grief, as I played the game and wrote the article about a month after the death of my grandfather. I still feel that ache of loss when I see finches on the bird feeders or butterflies fluttering around the buddleia, but it is no longer that painful stab that it was before. GRIS helped me understand the difference between torturing myself with my memories and keeping them as reminders of who Papa was to me.

Loss isn’t the end. I know that now.

What would be your desert island games? If you had to choose 8 and only those eight to play again, what would they be and why? (@Ode_Ollie)

Haven’t thought about the desert island scenario in a long time, so this is a good question! Here’s my list for you, off the top of my head:

  1. Animal Crossing – They’ve always been my go-to relaxation games, which means that I associate it with a sense of calm and peacefulness that I don’t always get in my daily life.
  2. Professor Layton (Miracle Mask) – As much as I’d love all the games in the series to come with me, that’d take up the entire list so instead, I’ve gone for my favourite of the main storyline, with cutscenes and a storyline that still make me well up on the 50th playthrough.
  3. The Walking Dead (Telltale) – CLEMENTINE IS MY PRECIOUS BADASS CHILD, NEED I SAY MORE?
  4. Assassins Creed Syndicate – The Frye twins are all I aspire to be in life, if I was more flexible and in greater physical condition. Also, I have the same reaction as Evie to a dress.
  5. Spiderman PS4 – I just love being able to swing around the city and the combat is so satisfying to chain together with the aerial movement. It’s like a beautiful ballet of violence.
  6. Octopath Traveller – Honestly, I just love the game. Being able to jump between all the character’s stories and to punch ginormous pixel art bosses in the face with my PET SNOW LEOPARD, is satisfying as all hell.
  7. Stories Untold – Essentially my favourite storytelling experience of all time, especially for the text adventure fan within me.
  8. Spyro The Dragon – 99% of my childhood memories are tied to this game. I still play the original with my mum from time to time. We’ve 100%’d the first five games (before it went all fighter combos) at least 30 times.
J’ACCUSE

The best thing about creating MindGames? The hardest thing about it? (@Ode_Ollie)

Best thing? Oh, that’s an easy one. It’s the community behind it. I never expected the outpouring of support that I have received from everyone. The fascinating insights and points that you all take from my writing, often astound me, as they aren’t things that I thought of at the time. Honestly, your comments and responses often make my writing seem a lot better than it is 😛

Hardest thing? I think it is talking about my mental health. Ironically, encouraging conversations about mental health and supporting one another, is why I made the site in the first place, but when it comes to my own mindset, I often feel ashamed or insecure. That’s exactly the feeling I’m trying to tackle, so it’s always a bit of an internal struggle when I’m writing about topics closer to my heart.

It’s the “we” that’s important. We aren’t alone.

How can you do so much and continuously create the most wonderful content and be this amazing a person and not let the quality slide? (@Ode_Ollie)

First off, you’re an absolute angel. You have supported me tirelessly since the birth of Mind Games and I can never thank you enough for that. Also, my LEGO Statue of Liberty looks great, thank you again for that. Hopefully the world looks favourably on us at some point in the future and we can hang out!

I’ve always understood my greatest enemy is my own mind. Being busy is my main method of coping, of being able to manage that anxiety and those negative thoughts that linger at the back of my mind. Especially at this key point in my life, with my graduation and starting a job and finding a place to live, plus all the usual young adult drama that comes with it, having something to distract you is so important.

Part of that distraction is routine, and I’ve managed to cement Mind Games into that routine. It gives me a chance, once a week to speak candidly about how I am feeling, how the game of choice touched me on a personal level and to connect with you all as best I can. Personally, I’m rarely “happy” with my articles, as I set myself very high standards. However, if I feel an article isn’t of the quality, I expect from myself, then I don’t release it.

Trust me, there are so many drafts and redrafts in my documents folder, including pieces on games that I never actually released. I refuse to let quality slide because the point behind Mind Games was to create a space for us to talk about these issues and to find that representation that we don’t always see. I won’t sacrifice that community for the sake of viewership from quick and easy articles.

*-*-*-*-*-*

Thank you all for the questions and for reading this far down! We’ve come a long way. Thank you. So much.

CaitlinRC.

Deep Platonic Love – A Guide To Tolerating Other Humans:

Posted on by in Real Life

Love. Some say that it’s merely a biproduct of our brain chemistry, others cling to their belief in soulmates. There are so many stories in mythology, history and common folklore about the love between gods and humanity, how those feelings could overcome the greatest distances or the most grievous injuries. People tend to only really focus on two types – romantic love and familial love.

Personally, I’ve never experienced romantic love. I struggle with emotions as it is, so I can’t really imagine what it must be like to fall head over heels for someone like sappy romance novels attempt to describe. Loving your family though? I’m lucky enough to have them feel as strongly towards me as I do towards them. I love my family more than anything and will continue to protect them, be that from external dangers or my own mental state.

Another type though, is often the most influential. Platonic love. Love towards your friends. It’s more than being loyal or confiding in one another, it goes so much deeper than that. They become a part of you. When you see a message from them or see them smile, it makes you smile too. Their happiness is intertwined with yours. It’s hard to describe.

There aren’t quite the right words in the English language that can truly express how deep and powerful a connection between friends can be. If you just stop for a moment and imagine your closest friend. View every detail of their face, their little mannerisms. How their eyes light up when they laugh, how excited and passionate they become when talking about something they love. Now, push away that image. It hurts, doesn’t it? That little pang, that tug of sorrow. You miss them, even though, they were just a mental image.

If you have a friend like this in your life, treasure them. Hold onto them with every fibre of your being. They are the kind of friend who you can not talk to for months on end, yet still have that same closeness as if only an hour has passed. You don’t have to be together in the same room for them to have an impact on you. Be it a letter, a message or just talking about them to someone else, often that’s more than other to put that little spring in your step.

Love, adoration, loyalty, protectiveness and pride, are all emotions that rise to the surface when that person comes to mind. Whenever they achieve something, you want the whole world to know how amazing they are and more importantly, you want them to recognise how brilliant they are.

I have a few friends like this. They know who they are. Be it playing Tomb Raider whilst they tidy their room, talking about vampires and niche musicals, just lying next to one another doing our own thing or getting trolled by the NATO alphabet, these are people that you can depend on. They have made such a substantial difference on my life and who I have become.

I believe in myself more and more, because they encourage me. I am less afraid to tackle the demons in my head, because I know they will be right behind me to catch me if I fall. If I need them, they will be there as soon as they can. They would go to the ends of the earth for me and I would do the same for them. Not because I want to date them or because they’re related to me by blood, but because they deserve the world.

Support them and they will support you. Especially in times like this.

CaitlinRC.

The Elephant In The Room.

Posted on by in Uncategorized

As you may have guessed from the title, I want to talk about the COVID-19 Pandemic that is sweeping the world. Personally, I’ve been self-isolating for around two weeks now and haven’t left the house for 10 days. After my last trip to the pharmacy to pick up my medication, I started feeling a bit off. Then I developed a persistent cough and a slight fever. I think I’m almost back to full health. However, there are so many that are not as lucky.

The elderly, the disabled, the immunocompromised and the key workers on the front lines of this pandemic, are all so much more susceptible to this sickness. Whilst I sit on my bed writing this, thousands of people are out working to save lives, feed families and keep the communities that we have strived so hard to build, intact. If you are one of them, I salute you. Meanwhile, the rest of us are (hopefully) staying inside and dealing with the new problems that weeks of self-isolation have created.

In times like this, mental health pushes its way to the forefront of our minds. Although isolation is the best way to prevent the spread of the virus, it is a double-edged sword. Humans are inherently social creatures. The connections we form with those we love are critical to our mental wellbeing. Loneliness and isolation can be the two biggest triggers when it comes to a declining mental state.

You know that scene in films, where the lead character is all happy and cheerful until they are alone in their room – at which point they slide down the door and burst into tears? It’s not that far from the truth. In public we tend to put on a facade that we think those around us want to see. We’re scared of judgement, of hatred or cruelty. More than that, we’re scared that people won’t understand us.

That fear, that dread and anxiety? Most of the time, that goes away when you talk to your friends and family about it. You see the love they have for you on their faces, you hear it in their voices. Their support and loyalty are crystal clear. However, when all you have is some text on a screen or a phone call that only seems to last a few minutes, it becomes hard to prove that little nagging voice in your head wrong.

I’m lucky enough to be staying at my house in Cardiff with my housemates. I have an amazing community that supports me, and my parents regularly check up on me to ensure I haven’t fallen asleep under a pile of laundry like a cat. However, even with all this, that voice grows louder each day I spend in self-isolation. I can only imagine how much louder it would be if I was alone.

We’ve talked about the negative spiral multiple times in many different contexts. Yet again, that painful loop rears it’s head in this crisis. For each day that I feel ill, or unmotivated or sad, I am not productive. A lack of productivity makes me feel guilty. That guilt makes me question my own abilities and my self-worth. That leads to a lack of self-care and more days where I simply cannot face being productive. It just goes around and around, endlessly.

I don’t regret staying inside. I don’t regret self-isolating. By staying home, I am protecting people. My body is healthy enough to fit off this illness but not everyone is so lucky. By doing this, we are protecting the key workers. By doing this, I am protecting someone’s loved ones from falling ill. Who knows, maybe by staying home, I could have saved someone’s life.

The main issue I have had with staying home and isolated, is that I am scared I am losing myself. Not in a big way or anything. Just small pieces that get chipped off as the days go by. Bits of my identity. Be that my friendships, my love of theatre, the campaigns I run for my friends, the video games I play or the relationships I hold with my family. Sometimes, when you’re alone, you feel that you have no control, that it’s all slipping away.

That’s ok.

I’ll be ok.

And I hope you will too.

CaitlinRC.

Speed Limit – The Underground Just Got Interesting:

Posted on by in Gaming

If you’ve been following my site for a while, you’ll have noticed the frequent mention of a company called Gamechuck. I had the chance to meet a few of their team at EGX in October and have been consistently impressed with the high-quality games and hardware that they produce on a regular basis. We’ve talked about some of their older works such as Vape Escape before and recently I got to look at a preview of their newest creation – Trip the Ark Fantastic.

I’m always excited to see something new from the Gamechuck crew, so when I spotted an email in my inbox last week from them, I was excited. Their letter of love to the era of arcade games, called Speed Limit, released its trailer and demo as of today! (March 12th). It’s a high-paced, run-and-gun, action filled arcade game demo, available on Steam for you all to enjoy – click here for that – https://store.steampowered.com/app/1058280/Speed_Limit/

Watch the trailer here!

I got a little sneak view at Speed Limit when at EGX. I was terrible at it, but I enjoyed it immensely. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, let me explain:

“A daily train commute gone wrong: Speed Limit is a one take, non-stop arcade experience that never slows down. An old-school shooter boiled down to its core elements: Hard. Fast. Addictive.”

Have you ever been on the London Underground and been ambushed by dozens of soldiers dressed in full SWAT gear? Me neither. Though I probably wouldn’t be that surprised if it did happen. The Tube is known for it’s weird and whacky events after all – such as a goth and his surfboard, a satanic doll and people bringing various …adult art pieces onto the train. Seriously, I don’t know what it is about public transportation that inspires commuters to try weird and whacky things. Then again, the Internet wouldn’t be the same without it.

Check out the making of video here!

Simplistic, fast-paced and addictive gameplay is what makes Speed Limit so intriguing to me. You will die, a lot. Not as often as Dark Souls or Cuphead but Speed Limit is very much trial and error experience. You’ll become a professional in the first few sections of a level, charging through train carriages, shooting bad guys and dodging bullets like you’re in the matrix, then suddenly faceplanting off the roof and being crushed the wheels of the train. You know, just normal things.

Speed Limit isn’t about learning a mechanic and just charging through every level as quickly as possible. It’s about adapting to what is front of you. As soon as you get used to one level style, it’ll throw you into another – forcing you to start that learning curve all over again. It takes everything that was brilliant about arcade games and adds that modern zeal to it.

James Bond eat your heart out.

Every frame is hand-drawn by the phenomenally talented artists at Gamechuck, with such detail that it boggles the mind. The one thing that it doesn’t take from the arcade era, is the tendency to steal all your money. If you die, you start the level over from the last checkpoint. You don’t have to put in additional coins or run to find more tokens before the timer ticks down and you lose all your progress.

I’m not going to reveal too much about the game itself as I believe that it is well-worth playing yourself, even if just for the banging soundtrack. It’s a hard balance to nail – creating a soundtrack that doesn’t frustrate you after listening to it on loop for ten minutes. They’re talented folks, what can I say.

Subtle agent reading newspaper is subtle.

If you’re curious about how Speed Limit was created, the Gamechuck crew are releasing a three-part documentary series talking about the whole process, so it’s worth looking at! Especially if you’re interested in game design.

Anyways, apologies for the shorter piece this week – partly not wanting to spoil the demo experience for anyone and partly because I’m running a production this week, so I’m sat writing this whilst waiting for some set pieces to dry!

Till next time,

CaitlinRC

Afterparty – They Always Said You’d Drink Yourself To Death:

Posted on by in Gaming

Hell has always been an odd topic for video game designers. 99% of the time, the underworld tends to be represented by demonic monstrosities, human suffering and a lot of torture. Doom tends to be most gamer’s first thought, then maybe the strange musical number from Saints Row. I can genuinely think of one game that gives the Devil’s domain more depth than just a place for human’s to be punished for their sins. That game is a not so well-known indie game called Afterparty. It’s coming to Switch soon and is on Xbox Game Pass if you’d like to give it a go! It’s a short game so I can wait whilst you go enjoy the experience 😉

Made by the same folks behind the brilliantly spooky Oxenfree, (which I’ll write about some today if you’re interested!), Afterparty places you in the shoes of Milo and Lola, two best friends who find themselves in the afterlife a lot sooner than they expected. Unable to remember how they died or what they did to end up in hell, they set out to find some answers and maybe a way back to the mortal realm. As it turns out, there is a way home. All you must do is outdrink Satan in a series of drinking games, like beer pong. It’s not like he’s the Lord of Hell and has been drinking since before any of the molecules in your body even existed.

My friends and I at every big event – constantly losing track of one another.

Throughout the game, you will control Lola and Milo, in order to solve problems, have … interesting conversations with demons and to down cocktails to gain powers (like courage, flirtation or complete arrogance). You know, normal drunk student behaviour. I’m surprised there isn’t an option to steal a traffic cone as kleptomania seems to be a big thing for student’s on nights out. That and having serious conversations with statues, to the point of expecting them to reply. Drunk people are weird, what can I say. Since I don’t drink much, I can’t relate that much to the drunken escapades of Lola and Milo, but my housemates can.

As much as the best friends are the stars of the show, the supporting cast of demons, fellow dammed souls and monarchs of hell are what really bring the story to life. Sam and Sister Mary Wormhorn steal the show. They are a testament that even in hell itself, well written NPC’s can raise the story to a level of quality that game mechanics alone could not achieve.

True friendship is sitting on a bench in hell, like nothing at all is wrong.

Sam, voiced by the wonderful Ashly Burch, is a taxi driver that offers to give Lola and Milo a lift to the different islands that form hells inner circles, cause you know, swimming through the river Styx doesn’t tend to end well for anyone. There’s a lot more to Sam than meets the eye, as her relationship with Satan himself is a bit more… complicated than you’d think for a demonic Uber driver. From providing exposition about the monarchs, to encouraging the friends to not give up, Sam is a character that is worth listening to, especially if you’re as invested in the fates of Milo and Lola as I was.

As you play through the game, you discover that Sam is one of the original monarchs of hell. Cast out of heaven with her siblings by God, she decided to build a small church so that souls who still wished to commune with God, could do so, whether he would listen or not. Satan didn’t take it well and conscripted Sam to her taxi driver position, endlessly driving back and forth, never settling in one place. Bit of a dick move if you ask me but then again, he is Satan. Now, as the player, it’s up to you whether you choose to befriend Sam but if you don’t be kind to Sam, I’ll hunt you down and send you to hell myself.

Tag yourself, I’m Lola.

Sister Mary Wormhorn is an entirely unique character, even in hell. She is what is known as a “Personal Demon” – assigned to ensure that Milo and Lola are continuously tormented throughout their time in hell. She is a manifestation of their inner torments, thoughts and negative experiences, able to create unique scenarios and dredge up horrific memories that the duo would much rather forget. In general, Wormhorn acts as a “summary” to each act of Afterparty’s story. She judges you for your choices, your conversations and the consequences that you will face later.

However, she also gives you more detail on the friendship between Lola and Milo as she puts it to the test. Her goal is to split the two of them up, to break their spirits and generally just torment them. Every tiny disagreement between the friends is noted by her and used later to widen the gap between them. If you side with Lola early on, Wormhorn will remember. At one point she even tries to get it on with Milo’s conscience (yes, his conscience gets ejected from his body by a cocktail) just to piss off our dynamic duo.

Some of my housemates probably could outdrink the devil. Just saying.

Ironically, Wormhorn is the closest this game comes to a moral compass. Although Lola and Milo aren’t bad people, they’re still in hell. Some of the choices you can make are morally grey and that’s the point that Afterparty tries to get across a lot. There is no “correct” choice. No matter what you do, someone will get hurt or miss out. Wormhorn doesn’t let you forget that.

Human emotions are complicated. Our choices are never cut and dry. Afterparty really dives into this, with your decisions and conversations never having a perfect solution. When it comes to the afterlife, none of us are sure what lies in store for us, nor whether our decisions on earth will save us from that eternal hellfire. Though if hell is in any way like Afterparty’s interpretation, maybe I’ll be ok. At least until my own personal demon clocks in to work and goes to town on my …less than perfect mental state.

When in doubt, arm wrestle a demon.

Give Afterparty a chance. After all, wouldn’t you want the devil to take pity on you?

Until next week,

CaitlinRC.